For several nights now, I wake up in the mornings to my alarm. Except I'm not really there. I'm somewhere else. I feel completely disoriented, torn between asleep and awake. My mind can only fill in the blanks with the image of a call screen. I literally see the phone screen in my head, and it overpowers my actual vision. This vision seems to focus on the red "end" button that you see on phone screens. My mind literally grapples, screaming at me to hit the "end call" button but there's a physical disconnect like my body isn't my body and can't actually accomplish this.
When this happens, I can't think of anything else but the red button. It's literally my brain screaming "PRESS THE BUTTON!" and mentally, as if I have a body in my brain, it seems to grope around trying to make synapses and nerves connect. It is a very strange, alarming feeling. When I "snap" out of it, it's gone in a blink. I have no memory of dreams that occur before this moment and no inkling about who this "caller" is and what the call is about.
This isn't the first series of nights that this has happened, it's happened sporadically a few times since maybe the end of winter. It has never been so intense though, or lasted for consecutive amounts of time. Pregnancy dreams are crazy and I've had my fair share, hormones can make your brain do funny things. But this is something...different. Not that. It doesn't feel like a dream. I'm almost certain that I am dreaming about other things before this "call" moment between dream and awake.
It has worried me before when it's happened, but I always figured it was my mind's way of disconnecting from a dream about someone I was hoping to speak with on the other side - my grandmother. I always brushed it off and decided that it's probably nothing, the disorientating vision is just a fluke. Now I'm sure it's not. But despite my efforts, the meaning feels shrouded and just out of reach. Like it's there, it's right there...but I can't see it clearly.
I honestly don't understand. Is this person calling me? Am I calling them? Are they "listening in" without permission, and that's why my waking mind is scrambling to end the call? Or am I hiding this from myself because I'm not yet meant to understand? I know I need to meditate on this, but first I've done a 3-card Tarot spread to help figure out what the hell is going on.
The Lovers is kind of puzzling, as my marriage is doing great right now and we haven't been arguing or squabbling, no distress or friction between us. It does fit certain other relationships (and by some extension, relationships of others that is directly influencing our life) so this is very interesting. The Three of Wands and Eight of Wands are positive confirmation of things that have been in the works. I'm not sure how it all ties in to this vision, however.
I'm not sure what to think yet, but I'll definitely be asking some clearer questions. Very curious. I'm going to have a long think on this.
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