Monday, August 14, 2017

Monday Minimalism -- #Momday

So, Minimalism is something I've been seeing a lot in the past two years and up until this point, we haven't owned so many things that I felt that we had an "excess" of things (for a first world poor person, relatively speaking of course) so I never felt like we needed to purge. Over the course of this past year though, I've realized since we moved in nearly 5 years ago, we've ended up with a lot of "stuff." Lots, and lots of it. Too much. There are toys and clothes and things galore.

A few months back I started to seriously consider throwing some things away. I haven't read any minimalism books yet, though I eventually plan to just to see if there are tips on keeping things to a minimum so we won't have to worry about purging all the time. In the meantime, I've read a bit here and there online to help get started.

What was the final straw is the fact that my girls don't respect their toys. Although we do our best to model and discuss respecting our belongings, I know that many kids simply don't "understand" yet, especially considering they've never had to experience gratitude on a large scale. Not all children can understand it to the extent beyond when they've actually received it (gratitude in the moment) which comes with time and maturity. So, I finally thought it over.

Mainly I hold on to the toys they throw, step on, break, or otherwise don't respect because I'm sentimental over where it came from or who gave it to them. They don't really enjoy that toy anymore, otherwise, they wouldn't treat it that way. I know for sure this is the case because they don't treat the toys they do enjoy the same way. I decided that they have far too many (we have so, so many) and they don't like to pick them up (the ones they dislike).

The best solution seems to be to get rid of them, whether that's through selling, donating, or trashing it. I will keep a few they seem to enjoy but I'm taking this opportunity to become more of the mother I always wanted to be. It's so easy to give into the flashy, plastic toys that you see in the store especially when your child's eyes are glinting with extreme excitement. I am choosing to ignore that. I am going to try to get rid of the majority of their plastic toys, and then slowly replace the remaining over time as they bore of them. I'm going to try to replace them with better-made, love-infused wooden toys and cloth that encourages imagination instead of replacing it. More Waldorf style, which was what I had always intended to do anyways (and honestly, gave in to peer pressure not to.)

For so many reasons, this house is now going to be purged. I'm also going to be donating and exchanging many of their clothes because their entire closet is full I don't feel it's necessary. Again - sentimental value - but most of them are items they've never worn or I don't even like. I think it's just time. I'm sick of the never ending clutter and laundry and feeling like my home isn't what I want it to be. So I'll make it what I want it.

I've already started - Toys and clothes are in bags and I'm working through it all slowly. I'll update next week with before and afters if I finally can finish.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Who's Calling? - #SundaySpirituality

For several nights now, I wake up in the mornings to my alarm. Except I'm not really there. I'm somewhere else. I feel completely disoriented, torn between asleep and awake. My mind can only fill in the blanks with the image of a call screen. I literally see the phone screen in my head, and it overpowers my actual vision. This vision seems to focus on the red "end" button that you see on phone screens. My mind literally grapples, screaming at me to hit the "end call" button but there's a physical disconnect like my body isn't my body and can't actually accomplish this.

When this happens, I can't think of anything else but the red button. It's literally my brain screaming "PRESS THE BUTTON!" and mentally, as if I have a body in my brain, it seems to grope around trying to make synapses and nerves connect. It is a very strange, alarming feeling. When I "snap" out of it, it's gone in a blink. I have no memory of dreams that occur before this moment and no inkling about who this "caller" is and what the call is about.

This isn't the first series of nights that this has happened, it's happened sporadically a few times since maybe the end of winter. It has never been so intense though, or lasted for consecutive amounts of time. Pregnancy dreams are crazy and I've had my fair share, hormones can make your brain do funny things. But this is something...different. Not that. It doesn't feel like a dream. I'm almost certain that I am dreaming about other things before this "call" moment between dream and awake.

It has worried me before when it's happened, but I always figured it was my mind's way of disconnecting from a dream about someone I was hoping to speak with on the other side - my grandmother. I always brushed it off and decided that it's probably nothing, the disorientating vision is just a fluke. Now I'm sure it's not. But despite my efforts, the meaning feels shrouded and just out of reach. Like it's there, it's right there...but I can't see it clearly.

I honestly don't understand. Is this person calling me? Am I calling them? Are they "listening in" without permission, and that's why my waking mind is scrambling to end the call? Or am I hiding this from myself because I'm not yet meant to understand? I know I need to meditate on this, but first I've done a 3-card Tarot spread to help figure out what the hell is going on. 

The Lovers is kind of puzzling, as my marriage is doing great right now and we haven't been arguing or squabbling, no distress or friction between us. It does fit certain other relationships (and by some extension, relationships of others that is directly influencing our life) so this is very interesting. The Three of Wands and Eight of Wands are positive confirmation of things that have been in the works. I'm not sure how it all ties in to this vision, however. 

I'm not sure what to think yet, but I'll definitely be asking some clearer questions. Very curious. I'm going to have a long think on this.