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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

6 Week Bumpdate

So, I got my first ultrasound at 5w6d and it dated perfectly. The next day began my 6th week of pregnancy. I honestly didn't even really feel that pregnant. I mean, I could "feel" that there was a little bean inside of me but physically I just felt normal. I took pictures, but the dress was a little too sheer! Oops! So I don't think I'll be sharing those without some retouching. You can only see my hip and a bit of my buttcheek from the side, but it's enough to bother me. Thank Gods for Photoshop!

 Then at 6w3d nausea hit. At first just a few small waves but by the afternoon it was a glaringly constant feeling like I was going to vomit my brains out any second, but every second. I also felt so tired that day, and ended up sleeping 11 hours which is unusual for me. When I woke up the next day, my belly was definitely bloated (although I don't feel bloated at all!) and poking out. As soon as I woke up the nausea began again, and hasn't gone away since. I'm still really tired, every day. I have no energy physically but mentally I feel like I'm nesting...there's so much I want to do. Which is weird because with Maire's pregnancy I never felt the urge to nest at all. I'm just so excited, I can't wait to see what tomorrow, the beginning of week 7, will bring.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

6 Weeks

For about the past week I've felt super nauseous, tired, moody, and super bitchy. I haven't been puking or sick, but I may as well be. I've also been super hot at times, radiating heat! I took a pregnancy test on Father's Day, and it was positive. But because of the cyst I didn't think anything of it, it brings pregnancy symptoms with it. As time progressed, so did my symptoms. Finally today we went and had an ultrasound done to see if we could confirm pregnancy or cyst. I honestly have been biting my fingers and pacing and moody trying to figure out if I was imagining things. The cyst really has played with my mind. I couldn't stand not knowing.

Finally, we know. Little Foot is due February 18, 2014. There was a gestational sac, yolk, and it measured perfectly with my last period (and I mean perfectly). No fetal pole was visible, but we go back the day after my birthday to confirm growth or determine if I have a blighted ovum.

I'm trying to just be happy about it and not let the what-ifs plague my mind with doubt after all we've gone through in the past couple of months. I am so excited and want to do something motherly and pregnancy related. I just don't know what yet. I guess it just doesn't feel completely real yet. I want it to be so bad! I'm happy, but I don't think my mind will be at ease until the next ultrasound.

I want to tell the world, but I don't feel right telling more than close friends (and the readers of this blog) until my next ultrasound. I don't like explaining things, and I don't want to have to explain to every person I tell that I've miscarried (again.) I, in fact, didn't tell people about my last two pregnancies for that same reason...miscarriage, which happened in both cases. I really don't need to deal with ignorant or hurtful comments during sensitive times. So I think I'll wait.

I also feel like a FTM kind of again. I feel strange about it, like clueless all over again. I totally need to refresh myself. Plus, the first time around I went with what I just thought was "basics" for my daughter, which was really more than necessary in my opinion. I'm just wondering what I'll actually need this time around. My daughter hardly ever used her swing, so I don't think it will be good idea to get one ahead of time with this pregnancy. I will see if the new baby actually might need one first. Definitely cloth diapering again. Breastfeeding again for sure! Cosleeping again! Which reminds me, I'm going to have about 8 months to full transition Maire to sleeping on her own. lately she sleeps on her own most nights, but there are occasional nights she comes to bed with me. With a newborn co-sleeping that just won't be possible. Our bed isn't big enough for my husband, me, Maire, and the newbie. I mean, we could get a cosleeper if we absolutely needed to, but they are so easily outgrown that it won't solve the problem. Clothes, that's another thing. With Maire I have boxes and boxes of clothes! Boxes!! If it's another girl, we'd be set. But we're not finding out so we'll have to get gender neutral stuff anyways just in case. Another carseat I'm not worried about, and yet I am. Our '99 Jeep GC is tiny in the back for car seats + a person (and with three adults that often go places together, it would be a squeeze). I normally sit in the back anyways, but man will it be a pain getting in and out. I don't think the newborn's carseat will be able to be in the middle, so that will be a huge issue. We will just have to see. I know it's "tons of time" to think about these things...but it's really not and before I know it we will be 30 weeks pregnant. I'm so excited, I have so much on my mind.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Nostalgia




I'm feeling very, very nostalgic tonight. I'm up with Maire and I just felt the urge to google cache a website. Not just any website, but the website I met J on, the website that filled my early teenage years with lots of laughs, friends, and most importantly, memories. A lot of people would be willing to 'poo poo' that, saying...it's just the internet. You never "really" knew those people, anyways. I supposed it would be hard to understand from the outside. We were close, we were all very close. Most of us were about the same age, and loved Harry Potter. Out of character on the RP site, we all got along and laughed and laughed and supported each other and became like siblings. In fact, I still talk to many, many members of Xauror in real life, 8 years this past week, from when I joined. Typing that brought a tear to my eye. 8 years? What?!? No way....it doesn't feel that way. It doesn't feel like 8 years ago I started the journey which brought me the best friends, the best memories, and the best laughs. But, from the outside, I'm sure it appears like nothing to real life. I'm not asking for approval or validation, but I just feel like I need to write down some of these memories before they are lost forever!

I joined in 2006. I feels like yesterday, and yet forever ago. I was just a girl, just about to turn 12. We got a computer that year, and had just AOL dial up. Boy, does that make me feel old. Ha. But, I was going through a rough time, and didn't have many friends. I was very into Harry Potter, which was my saving grace during those years. It gave me something to immerse myself in, and something to look forward to. After spending a couple of weeks on the internet, I started looking at Harry Potter sites. The first few I joined in early May were just more of news sites. I just didn't seem to "click" with any of them. I kept looking. I stumbled upon Xauror, as it was ranked really high on the site named Alexa, in which members of websites would vote their website up in ranking.

I clicked. I mean, I literally clicked onto the website, and it 'clicked.' I don't know how to explain it. Fate. Intuition. Something, just something....drew me there. It literally felt magical. It stirred something. It felt right. I spent the first night just reading and going through all of the different facets of Xauror. It seemed endless. And fun. The forums in which you roleplayed were the centerpiece of the site, but there were MANY other features.

There were 2,000 "Muggle Games" which were games common of those years, like simple Pong Games, Penguin games, shooter games, board games, card games, most stuff you would find on a 'Gaming' site. In Muggle Games you could earn trophies on games if you earned the third-highest score or more. In addition, you earned money based on your score (measured in Wizarding Currency, if you had an account open at Gringotts Bank, an essential feature to the site.) Once you opened a Gringotts account, you could earn money by posting, playing games, or finding hidden nuggets around the site as well as a variety of other ways. Other members could also donate to your account, or 'pickpocket' small amounts from you if their skills were high in the battle system (more on that later). Each house had points, and at the end of a term, the winning house would get a prize (usually some ingredients and money).

With your money you could buy and furnish a virtual house. This was not a popular site feature anymore by the time I joined. In addition you could buy spells, items to display in your profile, potion ingredients, pets, and more. The potion ingredients could actually be combined. There were treats you could make, or special puzzles you could trigger. There were special badges you could win with these ingredients. You could also buy a pet - canon, of course, and you needed money to buy it food, water, and clean its cage. Doing so leveled up your pet, making it worth more. You could sell your pet for the money it was worth and buy another. Or use it elsewhere. I know Jeff and I both had pet Phoenixes when the site went down. Mine was almost 3 years old, Jeff's was over 4. Our Phoenixes were worth over 200,000,000 each in the money system. But anyways, there were very many ways to earn money.

The special puzzles and nuggets hidden around the site gave you badges for your profile if you completed them. You were given special recognition for each you completed. Sometimes you were given additional rewards for your inventory or bank account. There were badges for other things as well - posting so much, posting here or there, doing this or that. I believe there were over 50 badges you could earn for your profile. You could play virtual Quidditch, earning scores and badges, and money, and buying equipment in the stores to improve your playing. It was a very neat system. There were site stores that were canon, and even a section for member stores where they could sell whatever they wanted from their inventory (not badges etc.) for whatever price to other members who needed the ingredients and items.

There was a 'Chat' window where all members of the site could chat. That wasn't a particularly popular feature though, since you could privately Owl (message) someone, anyone, on the site. You could get 'sorted' into a Harry Potter house and then post in the dorms of your House. You could post basically anywhere that was included in the Potterverse. You could get a randomly generated wand to display on your profile. There was a site 'news' area, called the Daily Prophet after the newspaper of the same name. It was usually canon articles written by members of the site. You could take classes, and get grades to display (and a more organized class system was later added, giving teachers unique site powers, such as the ability to write textbooks, give house points, money, and grades. A very immersive, but easy system).

There were Practical Classes where you had a virtual character (much like the Pokemon battle system, for those unfamiliar) that you leveled up by using spells you bought and clothing or other items, wands, etc; and won money or ingredients with each won battle. It cost you money to heal when your health got low or you died so that you could heal or be revived. When you felt like retiring your Practical Classes character, you would earn a ranking. There were badges for this as well, depending on your accomplishments, level, number of retired characters, title (earned through special battles and items) and more.

You could 'study classes' which was a more virtual system than the forum classes. You earned, found, or bought "lessons" from certain canon teachers and then had to solve puzzles and answer questions. A positive score contributed to your number of lessons of each subject. Once you completed all the lessons in a "year", you could become a student of the next year. This went up to level 7, from whence you could take as many lessons as you liked. It raised your lesson statistics, and although you could get a different title with each accomplishment, you never got over the level 7 "stats" so to speak, as it plateaued. In addition, there was a second 'Quizzes' section where you could answer canon questions about the books and movies for house points and money. Members could create quizzes and list how much it was worth.

You could play Arithmancy - separate from the other games, which was just sudoku. With each game, you earned ranking, as well as house points, and yes, again, money. You could play Monopoly with friends for HP and money, and that was a widely used and fun part. Shortly after I joined, a third battle system was created. A more in-depth modern one. You could sculpt your character more than the one of the practical classes, but didn't earn anything. It was used mostly as just a virtual avatar. There was a member dueling system, where you could cast funny spells on another member and it would cause their avatar to change, or their profile to display a funny illness on their virtual characters. It could be "cured", of course. There were the more 'serious' spells, which was rather like rock, paper, scissors, and you earned money from the other person and HP if you won.

You could join clubs, many of which had private forums and awards/badges for members. There were canon clubs, and off-topic clubs. There was a library where members could write and post fanfics or original works. There were the 'Top Students' Ranks, where there were four categories. Richest, Practical Classes, Housepoints, and Dueling. There were smaller sections, links to e-cards, floo network (where you could view similar sites and member sites), overviews of the books with pictures, and picture galleries of member images.

There were site secrets. Clicking on a certain pixel, or image, or pixel in an image, guessing a secret password to forums, or a link, and solving puzzles all earned you special recognition once completed. These were the hallmark when I joined, but as the site began to change a few months later, many of those secrets were 'lost' or couldn't be used anymore. But, the site was evolving. Some of the more advanced features already mentioned were implemented, and more were being developed, such as Hippogriff racing. Hippogriff racing worked by you going to the link, and "walking into the forest." Sometimes a Hippogriff would appear, and if it did your Practical Classes character would have to fight it to win its loyalty. Hippogriffs came in varying colors depending on how fast it was, its stamina, etc. and you had to pay to feed and maintain them. You raced them for rank, money, and House Points. You could breed them to get better Hippogriffs, and then race them. Ranking was determined in several ways by how many Hippogriffs, what types of them (color), number of races, number of won races, etc.

Then came the Marriage system after dozens of members requested it. Many role-playing families were well-established, and felt a simple marriage system/family tree system would really enhance the site where you could follow people's lineages and see who you were related to, as some of these families were quite massive. After just a few weeks "poof", it was there. Xauror (the Admin) said it could be a bit buggy, but that overall was very stable. And that was true. You would go in, and you could petition to be adopted by a certain couple, or ask them to adopt you. It did cost money, but if you could afford it it was worth it. Once you were adopted you could see your entire family tree. In addition, even if you weren't adopted you could get married. It was a staircase system. You paid for the first date, then to kiss, then to actually become a couple, then to be engaged, and then to marry. After you were married you could adopt a member as your child. It was a very simple, good system.

At the same time, the Admin began allowing people to buy their own boards, usually for their "houses" due to the Marriage system, so that all members of a family could congregate or RP privately. This was not an easy task, since you had to raise, I believe 2,000,000 galleons which is the highest of the three types of coin. You also had to give the premise of the board, which had to be approved. You were then made a moderator of your own forum, created by the Admins, in which you could control. In addition to this, the Dorm boards were changed so that you could only enter the dorm of your house, and only the dorm of your gender. Before you could cross-play, as in real life, where you'd be able to go and hang out with a friend from another house, no matter their gender.

Anyways, after you established yourself on the forums by posting, being helpful to other members, and showing your skills RPing, then you could apply for a job. Jobs included being a Professor (teaching forum classes and later using the class system), medal mod (awarding medals), Secret Keeper (as the name implies), Quizmaster (approves quizzes), Fan Art Mod (moderating the Picture Gallery), Specialty (which meant a variety of things, including Secret Keeper of multiple things), Librarian (as the name implies), and later, you could apply to become part of the Help Team or Head Professor. Towards the end of Xauror's (the website's) life, there were RP teachers as well, when a small system was developed since a lot of new members no longer could use proper RP speak, nor could spell or punctuate correctly. So it basically taught forum and RP etiquette. You wrote a post at the end of your help, and were graded. That grade was put on your profile, and at that point the Admin developed a system so that only members with a certain grade could go to certain forums, and members could control what grade was needed for their own personal forums. Due to complaints, X (the Admin) began making moderation changes and made the site almost self-sufficient so that most moderators weren't necessary anymore.

That was the first step to the end of the forums. Things had drastically changed at the end as far as which members were still around (most of us older members had accounts 4-5 years old at this point), because us older members were unsatisfied with the lack of moderation. People were RPing however they wanted. Medals and awards started to take forever to be awarded. Secrets were practically gone. Those of us who really tried to continue participating, were annoyed since people who weren't a part of the RP would jump and then throw a hissy fit when you told them it was a private RP, ruining the entire thread. Challenges and special events stopped happening. Features were left on their own, and no more were added. It was almost as if X had given up on the site. She had stopped coming online for months at a time. No one was checking to make sure moderators were doing their jobs, and the RP teachers weren't enough to teach the influxes of members how the site worked. Many of us older members would log in, but we wouldn't post. We'd answer each others' Owls, and log out. We connected in other ways since we were older, we got Myspaces, then Facebooks, shared emails and eventually phone numbers. Some of us fell out of touch. Most of us banded together.

And I'm going to share the story of this with this blog. Because I feel these memories need to be shared. They need to be written down. The complete greatness of what this site did for my life then needs to be written down so that when the memories fade, I can look back and remember. Because the website is gone. Poof. For 2 years now. I can never go back and look on it. No one can. The URL was given to some members who wanted to start an 'Xauror Reborn' website, but it never made it anywhere. I feel the need to get it down before I forget.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Mother's Day

I know this post is a week late, Mother's Day was LAST week's blog circus, am I right? Anyways, I don't care. :P

I had an awesome Mother's Day. I got to sleep in, and then the huz took me out to eat steak and icecream. Whoo! We ate til we were STUFFED. Plus, cheese fries are good. haha! Mairead kept getting complemented, even though she was literally stuffing her face like an animal. She was really hungry, even though she had just woken up. It was almost so embarrassing it was comical, we really try to get her to understand table manners but she's still so young, she just doesn't understand. She is a real foodaholic, so she was double-fisting her face full of fries and broccoli. One of the waiters came by as she was eating bread and butter, and he let out a chuckle and went "That's great!!" in a non-sarcastic way. It genuinely gave him a chuckle to see our daughter loving the restaurant's food so much. All in all, it was very nice.

Afterwards we drove to Clearwater beach. This is where all the rich people live in our area, like Hulk Hogan and Robin Zander (Cheap Trick), John Cena (WWE wrestler), Derek Jeter, and a whole other list of celebs that frequent it. That's not to say we saw any of them - we didn't, haha, but think of it this way... it was $16 to park all day, or $2.75 an hour to park. Yeah. We were very blessed, some guy gifted us his ticket that he had planned to stay all evening but couldn't, and we didn't have to pay a dime! I changed into my bathing suit at the bath house and we just rolled on in. Since I'm from Boston, never been to any other beaches - it was very new to me. The sand was very powdery and white compared to Boston, and the water was literally like hot bathwater! The ocean up north is pretty cool in temperature, so I was pleasantly surprised! Mairead had a blast! Last year in Boston she was petrified of the waves and noise. This year she wasn't. She loved to try and walk in the sand, whereas last year she could only crawl. She loved digging in it and tried to eat a sea shell, which we promptly took away! lol She chased birds yelling "Fwy fly!" and tweeting. She stood in the waves (with Mommy holding on) and laughed her butt off. She "swam" (kicked) in the waves and held on to Daddy while Mommy swam out and got some swim time in. Mairead and I collected shells (I managed to snag a few rare ones, too) as a keepsake for Mommy.

What was so interesting to me was that in Boston, everything is BYO (bring your own...), as in you have to bring your own chair, umbrella, beach tent, etc. except in Clearwater from 9-5 they provide seats, umbrellas, and beach tents! To me that was beyond cool. We arrived just before 5 though, and they came and picked up all of the stuff we were using. No big deal, though, we spent most of the time in the water. The view was really amazing, it's really just a different type of beach. There were sand mounds taller than me, with palm trees growing right out of the tops of them. There were a lot of resorts lining the strip and restaurants/bars. It was nuts. We watched the sun going down, and knew it was time to pack up and go. We had great timing too, because Maire started to throw herself around from being tired and cranky. We loaded up, and Maire fell asleep in the car practically as we managed to drive off of the strip.

I showered and we relaxed and the huz treated me some more. After a little while on this ol' girl, writing back to people on facebook, I hit the hay. It was so great. I was so tired from swimming. I can't wait for next year, although I'm thinking maybe something a bit more romantic since Maire will be older. We'll see!!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Disappointment

Seems to be a lot of that going around lately. I neglected to leave out a "life update" in my last post, because I was waiting to announce it when I was ready. I got a positive pregnancy test on March 30, several days after I should have gotten my period. I planned to announce in May, at the end of the first trimester.

Then, the night before I was supposed to be 7 weeks, I began spotting. Trying not to panic, I waited til the next day to see if it stopped and called the midwife. She was at a conference, but agreed to meet me the following day (despite not keeping office hours on Sundays.) So we drove out the 45 minutes and got distressing news.

Not only was my uterus completely empty - meaning I couldn't have possibly been pregnant, nor miscarried, but I had a cyst on my ovary. A corpus luteal cyst. It is basically a hormonal cyst - filled with fluid; "harmless" except in rare cases when it needs to be removed for being too large. Basically, somewhere along the line my body improperly disposed of a corpus luteum, and it became a cyst. Since the corpus luteum is what supports early pregnancy, my body believes it's pregnant. Even though it isn't. I have many symptoms of early pregnancy, but no baby to show for it. When all I want is a healthy pregnancy and baby, I cannot express in words how utterly devastating it is to be betrayed by your body in such a way. Even further, because my body thinks it's in a state of early pregnancy, it is very unlikely I will ovulate until it pops or goes away (which can be 3 months or more.)

That in itself is such a huge disappointment. I have already waited over a year to begin trying to conceive again. We've already tried for six cycles. And now I must wait again, before I will even get the chance to begin trying again. If you had asked me when my daughter was born, how long I thought it would be before I had another baby to hold, I would not have told you three years. Well, that's about how old she'll be. Double the age-gap I was hoping for. It is utterly and completely frustrating to be diligently working to be healthy and the best mother for my daughter; to have almost no control over having a very much wanted second baby. I let myself get attached to this pregnancy - after all, I was having symptoms and started to pooch.

Life rarely works out the way we plan it - something I understand very well. It just feels crappy when you feel everything is stacked against you when you are doing everything right. It's frustrating. Infuriating. Disappointing. It's hard not to let it consume you, too. To live now instead of spending all your time re-planning your future. I can't just "go with the flow." I'm not that kind of person, and when I've attempted it, it always ends very poorly. Just a crappy, crappy place to be in right now.

I'm trying to throw myself in projects I love but it is very hard to concentrate. We'll so how it is in a while after some of the shock and upset wears off. But for now, I'm just trying to get through the day without digging myself into a pit.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Life Updates

I've not abandoned you, my readers. I promise!

The past few months since our move have kept me busy. I have so many projects going on at one time, it feels crazy. I'm working on some great posts on the sister-blog The Allopathic Maverick. It takes a lot of time reading and researching to complete each post, which is usually pretty comprehensive.

In addition, I'm doing some writing, learning, etc. and have a lot in mind. It's hard to figure out what to do in the span of the day. I sometimes even find myself wanting to do so much at once that I do nothing.

But I'm slowly chipping away at it.

Some updates on our lives here!

Mairead is now 20 months old, and talking like a flipping trouper. I can not believe how much her vocabulary has expanded in just two months. It's seriously crazy. She's starting her terrible twos tantrums and teething very intensely. All of her incisors are cutting through the gums, at the same time as she's starting to teeth for her second molars. I feel so bad for my girl. She is so miserable the past few days. Her hair is much longer, and she's about 28 lbs and 3.5" shy of 3 feet tall. Her new favorite foods are yogurt and strawberries, but she still loves bananas. Her new favorite shows include Super Why! (she has "rediscovered" it), Tinkerbell, and Dinosaur Train. She knows all of the songs and dances to most of her shows. She can climb now and is progressing so well intellectually with colors and learning words!

As far as me, I quit drinking Pepsi cold turkey as it was one of my only really bad health vices and it was just starting to take a toll on me. I stopped right on time, too! In the next few months I'll be getting new glasses and getting out more as the pool is open now. I'm excited. I'm hoping to really get my projects flowing (as usual) but I've had another hurdle these past 6 weeks or so. My laptop fan died! So a lot of my projects, posts, etc. all are sitting alone in there. We have to get it fixed pretty soon but we're not rushing either since hubby has a laptop as well, although it's for gaming. I'm looking forward to posting more, for sure!

I'm also looking for water flavoring alternatives. Most have too many dyes and artificial flavors and sugars in them, but we'd love it if we could find one with little to none. If you have any suggestions, leave me a comment!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

18 Months

Dear Mairead,

I have had eighteen full months with you. I remember my life before you well. Ambling around trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted, truly really wanted, in life. It sounds incredibly cheesy - but I knew from the day I found out about you on - this is who I am and was meant to be. I always knew I wanted children; I always wanted to be a mother. I wanted to nurture, teach, and learn from beautiful souls that I had created with someone I truly loved. And that's how it happened. Not as I expected - but in hindsight I feel that that is how it was truly meant to be.

I remember my pregnancy well. I just knew you were a girl. I was so, so sick for so long. I lost a lot of weight. But it didn't get my spirits down. I pushed through with excitement. At 13 weeks, I swore I started to feel you move. Not every day - but once or twice every few days I felt bubbly inside. It was you, I know it. I felt you every day by seventeen full weeks. I loved every wiggle, roll, and nudge. I felt so beautiful on the outside as my belly burgeoned and so deeply moved inside by the miracle you were. I ate what and when I needed, I took my prenatal vitamins religiously, and quit my biggest vice - Pepsi - cold turkey very early on. I was in love with eating - I had never had a very large appetite, and it felt so good to be able to eat more. It was confirmed you were a girl by nineteen weeks.

I was over the moon. I wanted to buy you the world. I wanted so much for you to have when you would make your way into the world. Daddy was so proud, his chest poofed up. He was rapt at the thought of you. We were so excited, proud, happy. I felt like a fertility goddess. So beautiful inside and out. I loved watching your elbow come out of my stomach. I listened to your heart beat. I played you music and read you stories. I talked to you in my head. It was the best time of my life, preparing for you.

And then you came. I struggled to breastfeed you those first few days. You drank colostrum from a syringe until you got the hang of things. I stuck through without even thinking about it. Life was, and still is, a never ending happy journey with you. I watched you smile, giggle, roll, crawl. I watched your hair grow long, your hands and feet get bigger. I watched your wonder and excitement at the world. I cried in joy and frustration. I watched your first teeth erupt. I heard you babble, and then talk. I saw you crawl, and then walk. I saw you walk, and then run. You grow every day. Your vocabulary is ever-expanding. Your curiosity is limitless, your knowledge growing. Every day, you grow a little more. Yet, I remain your epicenter of comfort for a fleeting moment more. I treasure and cherish each passing second of nursing. I know it won't last forever, as my big baby grows more and more. You are staring to want your independence - asserting your preferences and communicating so well. Just a fleeting moment more you will be my big baby.

I adore you. I love you. I can't imagine life any different. I don't want it any different. You are such a beautiful soul, a being whose worth far exceeds my own. I cannot express in words how much I wish for you. Just try not to grow up so fast. Momma's heart is so full of happiness, but is breaking, for time doesn't slow no matter how I beg.

I love you so, so much, Darling.
Mommy

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

What do you DO all day? A Day in the Life

As a stay-at-home mom, I constantly get this question. I mean, what could I possibly do with all that "free" time, eh? So I'll walk through it.

With both me and my husband home all day, honestly day-to-day life isn't ridiculously crazy. I'll break it down into approximate times. I'm going to include most things - some days we don't do things in this order, or at all, some days are more hectic than others for various reasons etc. Some days my lovely husband lets me sleep in lots. :D

6:00 a.m.; Nurse Mairead

9:00 a.m.; Mairead wakes me up, usually Jeff too. She gets a diaper change and/or dressed.

9:30 a.m.; Coffee is made, breakfast. Maire will eat a banana, sometimes string cheese or other organic snack and some juice.

9:45 a.m.; Blue's Clues turned on with Maire in her Joovy. Jeff turns on his playstation and I shower.

10:30 a.m.; Mess around on facebook, check email, etc.

11:00 a.m.; Change Maire's diaper, nurse for 20 minutes and usually a snack (graham crackers, natural chips, organic puffs, etc.)

12:00 p.m.; If the dishes still need done, one of us will do them and/or other house chores (a.k.a Maire's messes).

1:00 p.m.; Maire's naptime, which is preceded by a nursing session of varying length.

1:30 p.m.; I'll eat lunch, and usually my leftovers are Maire's to finish or hers will be made. Usually this is cheddar and broccoli rice, buttered rice, soup with graham crackers or natural potato & spinach chips, and lately we've been trying her out with peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, etc. Always with juice.

2:00 p.m.; I'll mess around on the playstation or computer, other tasks for a while, then go back to doing house chores (if needed). Sometimes Maire wakes to nurse some more and then falls back asleep.

3-4:00 p.m.; Maire will wake up, request a snack and her "Blue Coos" (Blue's Clues). Some days we take a walk at this time to get out of the house or stop by the store to pick up a few things.

5:30 p.m; Make dinner, clean up Maire's messes (haha)! Maire will nurse again around this time, usually for a short nap.

6:30 p.m.; Maire's back up, I'll play with her if she feels like being social (she's very independent and most days wants to do her own thing.) If not, I'll usually poke around on the internet or work on various projects.

7:30 p.m.; By this time, at least one more episode of Blue's Clues has been played. She loves her "'Teve." She usually will nurse again as she begins to get fussy. most nights I'll give her a bath at this time.

8:30 p.m.; Maire gets another small snack and playtime. I'll probably eat as well. If she feels like it, we'll sit together and listen to stories read by the actors of SAG, or do Starfall.com. Otherwise, Blue's Clues or another movie (usually Aristocats) is again on in the background.

9:30 p.m.; I'll usually mess around with projects or facebook if Jeff is playing on the playstation, although it's usually my time to play on it.

11:00 p.m.; Usually before or at this time, Maire will get tired and I'll nurse her to sleep.

11:45 p.m.; Hubby and I will play on the playstation or watch a movie and cuddle or talk. I'll usually have a snack.

12:00 a.m.; Nurse Maire some more!

1:30 a.m.; Nurse Maire and prepare for bed (if movie is over).

2:00 a.m.; Bedtime (when I'm sane! Some nights I literally can't sleep til 5 a.m.)

3-4:00 a.m.; Nurse Maire.





Rinse, lather, repeat. It doesn't sound very exciting - I know! But it is our life and I love it. It's very relaxed and very busy even if it doesn't sound like it. There are lots of laughing and giggling and tickling in this house. Oh, and snorting behind our hands when Maire gives us her angry eyes, "Are you laughing at me???"

Monday, February 4, 2013

DIY Bathroom Cleaner

In our quest to eliminate more and more chemicals in our daily lives, I've been trying to ditch the big wigs in the household - cleaning chemicals. I scoured the crunchy net for recipes and DIYs for one that I thought would be simple and effective. This is what I came up with.

DIY Bathroom Cleaner

1/3 cup of baking soda
1 tea to tablespoon of Apple Cider Vinegar or White Vinegar (enough to make it a slightly foamy paste)
2 Tablespoons of Castile soap or liquid dish detergent (I used Dawn)
5-7 drops of Sandalwood (or other) Essential oil

Mix into a paste, and use. 


I chose Sandalwood because we've been having problems with Ghost Ants and can't seem to find out where they're coming from, although they are almost exclusively in the bathroom. So far, I haven't seen any since I cleaned with this solution as Sandalwood is supposed to be a natural insect repellent (bonus since it's my husband's favorite scent!) I scrubbed with this solution for over an hour and a half. It was used on mirrors, the counter, toothbrush holders, soap holders, in the tub, the toilet, and the floor. Everything. It didn't bother my hands, the smell was delicious, and it got everything sparkling clean. Honestly, our toilet was rank. We just moved in and it looked like it hadn't been cleaned since it was put in. It was yellow (and very gross to clean). That sucker now sparkles. The paste didn't turn out to be a lot, a little goes a long way. The recipe above was all I needed to clean my entire bathroom.

I think this is a recipe I will be using in the kitchen as well, I even tested it in our sink and it worked very well. I am so very happy with how it turned out.


** I know about the controversy of cleaning with baking soda and vinegar together. Mixing them does negate some of the antibacterial properties, but it is still worth it to mix them when making cleaners in my opinion. Use a bit of water or something else to substitute if you feel that you don't want to mix them.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Steps

As a crunchy family, life is hard. No, not in that life itself is hard...but living life conveniently is hard. A lot of people like to think that those who identify themselves as "crunchy" do so because it's trendy or "cool." I'm sure for some that is true, but I've honestly never met anyone who is "crunchy" for those reasons. I choose to identify as "crunchy" because that's just the truth of it for me. I'm pretty earthy, and have many of the markers that one considers "granola" or crunchy. It's hard though - knowing what you know. There's a pang of guilt for every chocolate treat that you know is processed. Every "conventional" fruit eaten comes with that uneasy feeling knowing you've just ingested a little poison. You feel guilty about using products that you know aren't good for you.

It's alright to indulge sometimes. We all do. However, a lot of times it comes at a price (and sometimes that is just knowing the price). We do try our hardest but there isn't always a crunchy alternative available or affordable for us. We do take steps. Baby steps, and continually improve and that's all that we can really ask of ourselves. To improve our quality of life and health, and continue trying to remove partially - or completely; things we know are damaging to the environment and/or ourselves.

Some of the steps we've taken lately are:

1. We've switched to Kiss My Face shampoo and body wash instead of conventional ones. We also still use California Baby, as well.

2. I also have handmade goat's milk and oatmeal soap from a local shop. It is amazing.

3. We have been doing apple cider vinegar rinses in our hair to eliminate dandruff.

4. Because Maire loves bananas so much, we only buy organic bananas now.

5. We filter our water with a Brita pitcher. We'd love to afford an even better filtration system, but that's unrealistic right now.

6. We walk places whenever possible.

I know these seem like such small steps, but isn't that how everything starts? As time goes on, we'll add to our list and eliminate things that we know aren't good. We'll improve in time. Until then, it's alright to be pleased with your progress - even if it's just a little. A little is better than nothing.

It's a start.