Hitting the Wall

I hit a wall. It's been so long since I even wanted to post. For some reason, at some point, I just didn't feel like posting. I didn't feel "social" enough to want to share anything. I've been thinking about posting again for a while though, so I think I'm going to transition back into it! Yay!

My last update was a 6 week bumpdate on my last pregnancy. It was a great, uneventful pregnancy. I had a wonderful homebirth in just under 4 hours (it was really, truly, the most amazing and empowering experience to have a healthy birth) and Lilija Sage joined our family that day on February 19, 2014.

After that, I looked into surrogacy. I connected with a great couple, and soon enough we were starting meds and preparing for transfer so I could be their gestational carrier. I got pregnant and miscarried their twins at about 7 weeks, and from there things fell apart and we dissolved our contract.

I started a job around Lili's first birthday, meaning I'm no longer a stay at home mom, and my days are much busier when I'm working.

I got pregnant with my own baby a few months ago, and just found out at almost 11 weeks that there was no heartbeat. Making it miscarriage #3 for me, meaning I've lost 4 babies (including the surrotwins.) I had a D&E this time around since after four weeks of no heartbeat, my body was doing nothing to miscarry as it should be even with the help of black cohosh (under the advice of my midwife). In turn, I'm feeling the need to record my thoughts and feelings and start to write again; because I've hit the wall in a different way.

So here we go. Here we start again. 

6 Week Bumpdate

So, I got my first ultrasound at 5w6d and it dated perfectly. The next day began my 6th week of pregnancy. I honestly didn't even really feel that pregnant. I mean, I could "feel" that there was a little bean inside of me but physically I just felt normal. I took pictures, but the dress was a little too sheer! Oops! So I don't think I'll be sharing those without some retouching. You can only see my hip and a bit of my buttcheek from the side, but it's enough to bother me. Thank Gods for Photoshop!

 Then at 6w3d nausea hit. At first just a few small waves but by the afternoon it was a glaringly constant feeling like I was going to vomit my brains out any second, but every second. I also felt so tired that day, and ended up sleeping 11 hours which is unusual for me. When I woke up the next day, my belly was definitely bloated (although I don't feel bloated at all!) and poking out. As soon as I woke up the nausea began again, and hasn't gone away since. I'm still really tired, every day. I have no energy physically but mentally I feel like I'm nesting...there's so much I want to do. Which is weird because with Maire's pregnancy I never felt the urge to nest at all. I'm just so excited, I can't wait to see what tomorrow, the beginning of week 7, will bring.