Rainbow is here! Eliza's Birth Story

Some people have been very upset I didn't announce Rainbow's birth right away. We had a lot of reasons why we didn't announce outside of our family and friends (and Facebook), and many of them were personal and we wanted to work through things on our own. Plus, with my computer down I just really wasn't interested in trying to construct posts from the tiny screen of an iPod.

Eliza Jade was born on 6/5/16 at 10:45 am and was 9lb 6oz and 20.5 inches long. 

One of my two due dates was 6/11 and the other was 6/19-6/20 (depending on who you spoke to) for this pregnancy, but I usually am pretty accurate in my reporting of my last missed period and how my midwife should adjust my due date based on my knowledge of my ovulation dates. They seem to always change it by ultrasound (with Maire my due dates were 10 days apart, and with Lili's they were 4 days apart, and with Eliza they were obviously 8-9 days apart) because they always measure me a week behind. The reason for that is that I have a long cycle (33 days) and their measurements are always off because of that.

I worked the day of June 3rd, a Friday, and was feeling pretty miserable for once in all my pregnancies. It had been a rough pregnancy for us, and the culmination of all my annoyances was really starting to wear me out. I kept getting really painful muscle pulls in my groin/lower abdomen under my belly and even wearing a belly brace only seemed to make it worse. Even though I was wearing shoe supports, my feet were always sore and swollen. My stomach was in the way of everything. I was also experiencing a huge amount of indigestion and heart burn and some days would even end up vomiting once or twice. I was feeling tired all the time and on top of that I couldn't sleep well because I had severe pregnancy carpal tunnel and I would wake up with both of my hands completely numb and gnarled like an elderly woman with arthritis. I had started to lose my mucus plug about a week previous and was getting discouraged about that as well.

I came home from work and I was just wiped. I sat around and cleaned the house but everything was annoying the hell out of me. I went to bed early and just laid there when I got up the next morning. Saturday, June 4th was just the tipping point. I felt like a huge awful mess. It was the one year anniversary of my D&C with the twins. Their angelversary. I tried to remember the few good moments of their short pregnancy and that their sister was almost here, and that I'm sure that they would be very happy to meet her. I did adamantly say that I was not sure I wanted her to be born on that day though - because it was already a difficult day to deal with and I did not want to ruin her birthday with mixed feelings and I was thinking and sending vibes out on that.

Alas, I was still feeling pretty weepy although I managed not to sit in despair. I felt weirdly energetic and I remember feeling the itch to get out and go do something as if I would really want to go like, take a mile walk at 9 months pregnant. I felt like nothing was ready and with emotions so high, I started feeling panicky and anxious. I figured it was just my hormones adding on to the already tough emotions and decided to wash the baby clothes (something I'd been putting off). I had forgotten to fill our laundry card the day before and ended up having to pick and choose what to wash. When I got back from throwing the clothes in the washer, I started feeling like I had to use the bathroom. When I got there though, I couldn't even pee. I had four really strong contractions and couldn't get up or even cry out because they were so debilitating.

I was almost certain it had to be just dehydration so when I got up I downed a huge glass of water and sat down on the couch with my feet up. I let J know because we still had stuff to get (J and my midwife were in denial I'd go any sooner than the 11th but I definitely know myself) and I wanted to be ready even if we were weeks out. I called my midwife and let her know because she was due to come over that Wednesday for an appointment anyways and I needed to confirm it. After resting a while the urge to clean took over and I folded and put away the laundry, tidied up, and encouraged J to go to the store since I still felt crampy. He didn't feel like cleaning or going to the store and we were both still in semi-denial, so instead we watched some Netflix. Just before midnight I went pee and when I wiped, I had bloody show. I told Jeff to be prepared for me to go into labor the next morning. We went to bed literally right after that at about midnight.

I nodded off a few times but as soon as I laid down, contractions started. They were pretty annoying and uncomfortable, and coming pretty consistently every 10 minutes or so, so I didn't get any rest. They started to get really uncomfortable by 1:30 am on June 5, and I got up at 2 am very frustrated as I actually was genuinely tired and wanted to sleep. I tried to relax on Facebook on the couch, now having to breath through the intensity a bit. I don't remember what time I ate, but I had a pb & j sandwich at some point between 4 and 5 am. I kept drinking water and at about 5 am I took a bath, with my contractions coming at about 3-5 minutes apart. I was hoping for relief but when I found none, I got out and by 5:30 I was having to really moan through my contractions.

I woke J up moaning at about 6-6:30 and he was upset, we weren't prepared and he hadn't gone to the store for groceries or anything. I texted my midwife to let her know, thinking she might be up. He calmed down after a bit and he told me to go ahead and try another bath because my contractions were suddenly coming every minute, but for just about 15 seconds and they were pretty "painful" actually. Then he interjected that before I jump in, I should call my midwife just in case. She chided me for not calling earlier (my text had gone unanswered because she was asleep still) and let me know she was on her way. I jumped in and they slowed back down to 2-4 minutes apart and I felt a fresh burst of energy and felt great. Since we didn't have the birth pool (it wasn't due to arrive til that Wednesday, when my next appointment was), Jeff set up the bed in preparation for a land birth.

My contractions had nearly stopped by the time the midwife showed up at around 7:40 and she checked me, letting me know I was at least 6-7cm. I stayed in the water, not really wanting to get out. When she arrived my contractions started coming back (prompted I think, by my dilation check) and were fairly intense suddenly. They were only coming either every 5 or 10 minutes and I was able to talk and laugh through my contractions. It was fortuitous that the birth pool had arrived early and gotten to her just before she left to come to my house, so she ended up having it with her. It was my poor fortune that by the time she had arrived, we had no time to set up the pool. So even though we had the pool in the end, I couldn't use it.

After what seemed like just a few more contractions, they spaced back out again to around 15 minutes apart. They were also super mild and hardly hurt at all. I joked with J, although I was serious, that I thought my labor had stalled because there was no way I could progress like this and maybe I should start to walk around or something. He laughed and told me to listen to my body, and asked if I really felt like I needed to get out. I said no, and he said right, my body probably was just resting before the big time.

At 9:30 am I suddenly felt extraordinarily tired. I felt annoyed and flustered although I managed to keep my excitement going. I told my midwife I wanted her to check me as I felt the exact same feeling before I felt pushy with Lilija. She told me I was a really big 9 with just a lip left and if I wanted to, I could start pushing when I was ready. I didn't feel ready to push yet and wanted to give my body time to get rid of the lip so I told her I'd wait. She said that was fine, and I'd definitely have a baby within the hour anyways. My contractions started to pick up again (probably due to the cervical check again) and were really intense and 4-5 minutes apart. Jeff had to keep coming to provide counterpressure to me rocking on my hands and knees in the bath.

I was really fed up with waiting and ready to get the pushing over at about 10:30. I had waited a full hour and still didn't feel like pushing. I asked my midwife to break my water, thinking that was impeding my labor (it did with Lilija, and my water had to be broken while I was pushing for her to descend). When she went to check me one last time to get ready to break my bag of waters I felt a lot of pressure and a decent amount of pain - as my water broke. She had asked if I were peeing and I said no, so she didn't even end up getting the chance to break my waters.

After that my body immediately began pushing, the pressure was once again super intense just like with Lilija. I kept pushing and my midwife told me I still had the cervical lip, and if I wanted her to hold it out of the way. I told her no, but I'm pretty sure she didn't see me shake my head because she did in fact hold it out of the way during that contraction. During the next one, Eliza crowned and I was able to feel her head momentarily; but the next contraction happened so fast that I was pushing again before my midwife could tell me to keep pushing. Right after she had said that though, she exclaimed that I needed to get out. I started to stand but before I could even get all the way up, I found myself lifted out of the tub and onto the floor by my midwife. She told me that I needed to push right now, and I did. It was an incredibly painful push, but Eliza was out in seconds.

She put her right on top of me, and I got to hold my wet and purple baby, and just as I wondered it my midwife confirmed that she was actually a girl (since it was still a bit unclear until then). She explained that she could see the baby's shoulder was stuck during the push before that, and knew she needed to unstick it because the baby started to go back inside of me during the push, when she should have come sliding out. It was a quick push in to my push out that ended up untucking her but that was why it was so painful.

I laid there and held her, feeling nothing but love and relief. I told my husband to take some pictures, which he did while I elevated my legs. My placentas always stop pulsing and detach pretty quickly, as this one did. My midwife attempted to help me push it out because of my position, but a portion of it was still stuck to my uterine wall so she massaged my uterus (more painful than birth, for sure) while I pushed. Finally it came free and J was able to cut Eliza's cord. It was then put in tupperware that went to my freezer immediately. We called time of birth to be 10:45, about 2-3 minutes before the first picture was taken. My midwife helped me up and into bed, and I wiped off on a towel and with baby wipes for the mean time as I was way too tired for another bath or shower anyways.

We laid in bed and I attempted to get Eliza to nurse, which she did for a tiny little while but was mostly still uninterested. Since she was uninterested, my midwife did stats while we were relaxing. After stats were done and Eliza was fussing in my arms, she suddenly erupted into wails. We noticed that it sounded like she was gasping loudly for air with each breath and it was suddenly a question of whether or not we needed to call 911. My midwife ran and got the oxygen tank and I held cupped oxygen to her nose and mouth while she assessed if there were other symptoms. Everything was happening very quickly.

Once Eliza was calmer and nursing a bit, the noises calmed down a little also. It was confusing to us at the time since when nursing she was not gasping but was still making gasping-like noises, and also when she was simply relaxed she was making noises. Assessing her tone, pulse rate, and breathing itself seemed fine so my midwife pulled out the pulse ox (which needed a quick charge) to measure her oxygen levels and all the while I continued keeping oxygen on her. We both decided that before making the decision to go to the hospital and transfer, we should call the pediatrician and get their opinion because everything else was actually perfect. I called Eliza's pediatrician and my midwife called her back-up pediatrician and we consulted with them both. They both thought that a transfer was unnecessary pending pulse ox measurements. As we spoke with them, we took pulse ox while she nursed, while she lay calm, and while she cried and it stayed a steady 99 even when the noises got very loud. The back-up pediatrician could hear the noise and immediately recognized it as Stridor sound, a symptom of a few underlying causes but nothing we needed to rush to the ER for. (You can find out more about Stridor here.) We were advised that a trip to the ER or a call to 911 were not necessary unless anything changed.

We watched and waited for a while tuned into Eliza in case anything changed. Over the course of a few hours, it didn't. So with everything else checking out fine for me and for Eliza, my midwife left. Just after that, my friend and her wife arrived to visit. I was so tired, but felt so much better after eating at about 3pm. I was in awe of this tiny little baby. She is so perfect. She went the first day or so without being interested in nursing and had lost a full pound by day two (10% of her weight). She gained it back for her two week appointment and has since thrived. We have an ENT referral for her Stridor, which they believe to just be Laryngomalacia. Also, although my midwife and two different pediatricians checked her collarbones for fractures and breaks after needing help out following her dystocia, we noticed a very large bone callous at her two week appointment so she did indeed have a fractured clavicle. She didn't complain or favor it for more than a few days (which we figured it would be bruised, anyways) so we had no idea. There is no treatment for it except to let it heal though, so there's the upside on that.

And at the end of the day, it feels like every moment was meant to be.

Photo Property of AroundtheMillstone 2016

Value Women, Value Motherhood. And Oh Yeah... Don't Be A Sheep

What do you know? You're not a doctor.

It's about the health of the baby, anyways.

Statements like these are cold comfort for silent sufferers.

Sufferers from birth abuse and medical malpractice of all kinds. Shadows pushed aside from the white, sterile, life-saving images of a hospital. Pushed aside during their cries with statements like "Well that's just how it is." They are blemishes on the medical community and are trivialized, so many don't even bother speaking up. Most of them don't even know they've been wronged. But those who do...their cries are ignored because of what we've been indoctrinated with. Doctors are gods. Do what they say. Birth is only about the baby, so shut up and take it...you want a healthy baby right?

Our health care system is a mess.

Our health care system is a big mess.

Our health care system is a monstrosity. 

I am sick of women telling their stories and hearing the same old responses.

"Get over it, it's not about you. Stop being so selfish." "You're LUCKY to have a healthy baby!" "If you hadn't seen the doctor when you did, you could have died! He saved you!" 

I am sick of people belittling others about their tragedies or bad treatment and trying to silence the problems in the medical community. In the case of birth; the birth of a child is the birth of a mother. A mother's feelings during her pregnancy, during and after her labor and delivery will affect her forever. For. Ever. It will change who she is, how she views and treats herself, her child, and the rest of the world. A mother's role in pregnancy and birth is not just to grow the baby and push it out of her vagina (or consent to her baby being ripped from her abdomen). A mother's role is to be able to trust herself, her body, her baby, her spouse (if she has one), and her caretakers. To grow, be empowered, and marvel at how beautiful it all is. Her role is to become a spiritual goddess, a primal being, allowed to do what she and her baby need to do.

Mothers are vastly undervalued here, most prominently when it comes to labor and birth. They are treated as just conduits, mere conduits for their baby to enter the world. Nothing more. They are treated as if they have no big role, that the doctor is the one who will actually hold that baby Simba up on that high rock. Unimportant in the scheme compared to the doctor who will "save" their baby.

I can't say it's not women's fault. Of course it's not primarily or even mostly, their fault...but it doesn't mean women don't contribute to the problem. Women do not fight for their value; they hide behind stereotypes and the status quo. They do what is popular, accepted, or recommended without questioning whether it is right for their baby...just for them. Mothers have settled for doing what's convenient and easy for them rather than what is best for their baby. They slap on excuses like "Happy Mama = Happy Baby" which is true...but just because your baby is very happy does not mean you are doing your best for them. It's parenting by minimums. The minimum you can do is formula feed (by choice right from the start). The minimum you can do is sit your child in their bouncy seat all day. The minimum you can do is cry it out. The minimum you can do is spank. But that's okay because it works for the mom (99% of the time it is NOT right for the baby). They give up their roles by allowing doctors, teachers, peers, and society to tell them when they are and aren't important and right, how to raise their children, who they are, what their role is, and how it fits in. They allow these "superior", "more educated", "experienced" people to destroy what being a mother is. They trade what is important for what is perceived as easier and more convenient. Trade in what is best for their children for what is best for them because it's easy.

This brainwashing starts when the mother becomes pregnant (well, it starts when THEIR mothers were pregnant, and from birth on, but it kicks in when a woman becomes pregnant!) The doctors tell her what and what not to do. They prescribe anti-nausea meds, anti-reflux meds, pain medications, medications for anxiety and depression; but don't explain the real risks (or make them sound minuscule and not serious), assure women they are "safe" and "effective." They reassure with "It will help. I mean, how could you possibly function without it? Think about how much easier it will make your life!" The insist on the flu shot and the TDaP vaccine. Most doctors don't know the risks or don't share them, and don't read the literature on them. The shock comes when these women's previously healthy babies develop serious birth defects or experience spontaneous miscarriage or stillbirth. And who is blamed? The woman. Always the woman.

"What? No, it wasn't those medications/vaccines. They are perfectly safe, or else I wouldn't have prescribed them. You have done something to cause this. You must not have ate healthy enough. You must have ate cold cuts. You must have drank alcohol or did drugs. Maybe you wanted this to happen. Did you want to hurt the baby on purpose?? Maybe you aren't meant to have kids. This happened to you for a reason. Your body just can't have kids." 

My OB said WHAT?!

How is that fair? It isn't and the doctors lay on a thick guilt trip to make the mother second guess herself and damage her already fragile emotional state. Most women will never recover from that. From reading blogs, mommy websites, mommy groups, and facebook...I've seen women regurgitate what they've been told by their care providers. I've seen about ever excuse possible for a doctor's/caregiver's mistakes and/or negligence. The blame is always placed squarely on the shoulder of the women.

The thing is...

WOMEN BELIEVE IT!

Women lose all confidence in themselves, their bodies, and everything they think they know. So they learn to continue relying on the "almighty" doctor. They don't understand that there are alternative explanations, and alternative care they can receive besides what doctors tell them. Most don't bother to put the effort in to find the answers, they just can't come to terms with the fact that they are not a failure, but put the life of their child in the hands of a failure. They don't realize their body is not a lemon.

Pregnancy usually rolls along just "fine." Most of the time by the third trimester the doctor presents a "problem." This problem is usually accompanied by either a "dead baby" card, or a fake benefit or upside. "The baby is too big, you need a c-section or the baby will get stuck and die. You don't want that, right? You have gained too much weight, lay off the twinkies and carbs, or you'll never lose it post partum. Your due date is approaching, we're just gonna go ahead with an induction today. Don't you want to meet your baby today? Why not schedule that elective cesarean now? You'll get to pick your baby's birthday! You'll skip the pain of labor, it only takes 20 minutes! Plus, you will be doing your husband a favor by not ruining your vagina. Oh, your water broke? Come in immediately because if you labor more than 24 hours you will get an infection and you will make your baby sick. Your baby could die!"

Again, more often than not there really is no problem, but nothing is ever discussed with the mother about whether or not a problem is really indicated. She is told there is one, instead of coming to the conclusion on her own that there is one. They never explain the (very serious) risks of routine interventions and attempt to intimidate the mother into complying to whatever they say. Some will even sweet talk the mother until the mother is in labor, and then take advantage of her weak situation. 

The uninformed mother almost universally goes along with things. She doesn't want to be a bad mom, and what if her baby does get sick and die? The mother is set up for more failure and destruction of herself. She thinks..."He's the doctor, and doctors know best, after all. They have a lot more schooling. What isn't great about having my baby sooner? I get to pick his birthday? Sign me up. If it were so dangerous they wouldn't allow it to be done." She reassures herself that this is okay even though she knows deep down that it isn't.

Even informed women fall prey and crumble under pressure from the Establishment, and often. These women are punished, ridiculed, and ostracized for daring to step outside of "policy" or what is accepted as "normal." But that's okay because, having a healthy baby is the goal, right??

Right.

Except, it is intertwined inextricably with a healthy, happy mother. It is the same thing. It is not separate. Up until the cord is cut after birth, mama and baby are one and it is essential to treat them as the mama wishes during labor especially. If the roots of the plant are not watered, are not given the nutrients it needs...how can the plant be healthy? If you don't treat the roots well, the plant will not do well. Women hardly realize that they are blind to how they are being treated...well, rather, mistreated. They are being mistreated medically, ethically, emotionally, physically, socially, and lawlessly. They don't see that they are being damaged.

Undervalued.

Oh yeah, and then birth! Women are told what is going to happen. "We're going to strap you with this monitor. You need an IV, you can't keep anything down plus if (read: when) we have to give you a c-section. What's this? Oh, just (just?!) Pitocin...it just speeds things up. We're going to break your water, it will too speed things up. Pain is too intense? I'll call the anesthesiologist. What? No Epidural? Honey, why be in pain if you don't need to be? Just get it, you'll thank me later. Hungry? Too bad, hospital does not all eating in their policy. Walking to help dilate you? Haha! That IV needs to stay in and we need to monitor the baby so don't dare get out of bed. How about that epidural now? You need to wait to push for the doctor to get here. Why are we getting the scissors? Well honey, you can't seem to push right or hard enough so we're going to cut you so the doctor can deliver the baby. You can't hold your baby right now, you're being stitched. He also needs to be warmed. You cannot waive these shots or the eye ointment. I know you don't have any STD's, but testing could be faulty. The baby is deceling. You need an emergency c-section.  You can't. You can't. You can't. Here's the general anesthesia mask. ........Aren't you glad the doctor saved your baby?"

How is any of this good for the mother's health, sense of self, confidence, faith, privacy, rights? How about for the baby's? This is not respect for life, this is respect of money. None of these things have been proven safe when used regularly, none of these statements considerate. None of this has improved outcomes for mothers or babies (the United States has one of the worst morbidity and mortality rate of mothers and babies). The doctors by now have usually destroyed all faith and trust and sense of self a women has for herself, her body, her baby, her spouse, and nature.

And so the cycle goes. I know I'm getting repetitive. I know. I know you're not all morons. The points are just so important and warrant repetition. Why can't women accept that doctors aren't know-it-all gods. You don't know whether they graduated with D's or A's. You don't know whether they keep on the most recent recommendations and/or studies. You don't know whether or not his/her personal opinions influence or affect their practice or recommendations. In fact, how can they not?

No, of course most doctors aren't out to do this sort of damage or harm anyone purposely. Many doctors are just going by what they were taught (curricula courtesy of Big Pharma!) and what their experiences have been (influenced completely by Big Pharma). But, there are some doctors who despite knowing what is going on behind the curtains, choose to continue to knowingly hurt people.

"But, why?"

Why else? Money. Political gain. If there weren't any sick people to treat, most of the pharmaceutical industry would crumble and cease to exist. It's good business to keep people sick. It helps population control. Even better yet, helps to get people to follow the status quo and authority (read: government).

Some people might call this an anti-science or an anti-doctor rant. That's now what this is at all. What it is, is a pro-information rant. A pro-research rant. A pro-self-reliance rant. People should question things. They should weigh the risk and benefit themselves with all information provided or researched themselves. If they happen to agree with their doctor, that's great! They've come to that same conclusion on their own, knowing all the facts and having all the information available to them; and basing it off how well they know their bodies and themselves. When people accept recommendations by a doctor, accepting the doctor's risk vs. benefit analysis, they are putting blind faith in their doctor. Their doctor only has so much information, the blanks are filled in by assumptions. Doctors don't know your body like you do.

Don't accept things just because someone with 'Ph.D' following their named or stamped on their desk plate told you so. They are human too; not impervious to mistakes, misinformation, greed, and narcissism. You should take control of your own health, not rely on someone else to do it for you. Don't be a sheep, blindly following their leader. Do you hire the doctor to advise you, or does he hire you to be advised?

Who is in control of you and your health?

This goes for health, motherhood, parenting, relationships, and everything else in life. You need to be able to trust yourself and discover what is right for you by coming to your own conclusions....not relying on someone else to do it for you.

Rose