Rainbow is here! Eliza's Birth Story

Some people have been very upset I didn't announce Rainbow's birth right away. We had a lot of reasons why we didn't announce outside of our family and friends (and Facebook), and many of them were personal and we wanted to work through things on our own. Plus, with my computer down I just really wasn't interested in trying to construct posts from the tiny screen of an iPod.

Eliza Jade was born on 6/5/16 at 10:45 am and was 9lb 6oz and 20.5 inches long. 

One of my two due dates was 6/11 and the other was 6/19-6/20 (depending on who you spoke to) for this pregnancy, but I usually am pretty accurate in my reporting of my last missed period and how my midwife should adjust my due date based on my knowledge of my ovulation dates. They seem to always change it by ultrasound (with Maire my due dates were 10 days apart, and with Lili's they were 4 days apart, and with Eliza they were obviously 8-9 days apart) because they always measure me a week behind. The reason for that is that I have a long cycle (33 days) and their measurements are always off because of that.

I worked the day of June 3rd, a Friday, and was feeling pretty miserable for once in all my pregnancies. It had been a rough pregnancy for us, and the culmination of all my annoyances was really starting to wear me out. I kept getting really painful muscle pulls in my groin/lower abdomen under my belly and even wearing a belly brace only seemed to make it worse. Even though I was wearing shoe supports, my feet were always sore and swollen. My stomach was in the way of everything. I was also experiencing a huge amount of indigestion and heart burn and some days would even end up vomiting once or twice. I was feeling tired all the time and on top of that I couldn't sleep well because I had severe pregnancy carpal tunnel and I would wake up with both of my hands completely numb and gnarled like an elderly woman with arthritis. I had started to lose my mucus plug about a week previous and was getting discouraged about that as well.

I came home from work and I was just wiped. I sat around and cleaned the house but everything was annoying the hell out of me. I went to bed early and just laid there when I got up the next morning. Saturday, June 4th was just the tipping point. I felt like a huge awful mess. It was the one year anniversary of my D&C with the twins. Their angelversary. I tried to remember the few good moments of their short pregnancy and that their sister was almost here, and that I'm sure that they would be very happy to meet her. I did adamantly say that I was not sure I wanted her to be born on that day though - because it was already a difficult day to deal with and I did not want to ruin her birthday with mixed feelings and I was thinking and sending vibes out on that.

Alas, I was still feeling pretty weepy although I managed not to sit in despair. I felt weirdly energetic and I remember feeling the itch to get out and go do something as if I would really want to go like, take a mile walk at 9 months pregnant. I felt like nothing was ready and with emotions so high, I started feeling panicky and anxious. I figured it was just my hormones adding on to the already tough emotions and decided to wash the baby clothes (something I'd been putting off). I had forgotten to fill our laundry card the day before and ended up having to pick and choose what to wash. When I got back from throwing the clothes in the washer, I started feeling like I had to use the bathroom. When I got there though, I couldn't even pee. I had four really strong contractions and couldn't get up or even cry out because they were so debilitating.

I was almost certain it had to be just dehydration so when I got up I downed a huge glass of water and sat down on the couch with my feet up. I let J know because we still had stuff to get (J and my midwife were in denial I'd go any sooner than the 11th but I definitely know myself) and I wanted to be ready even if we were weeks out. I called my midwife and let her know because she was due to come over that Wednesday for an appointment anyways and I needed to confirm it. After resting a while the urge to clean took over and I folded and put away the laundry, tidied up, and encouraged J to go to the store since I still felt crampy. He didn't feel like cleaning or going to the store and we were both still in semi-denial, so instead we watched some Netflix. Just before midnight I went pee and when I wiped, I had bloody show. I told Jeff to be prepared for me to go into labor the next morning. We went to bed literally right after that at about midnight.

I nodded off a few times but as soon as I laid down, contractions started. They were pretty annoying and uncomfortable, and coming pretty consistently every 10 minutes or so, so I didn't get any rest. They started to get really uncomfortable by 1:30 am on June 5, and I got up at 2 am very frustrated as I actually was genuinely tired and wanted to sleep. I tried to relax on Facebook on the couch, now having to breath through the intensity a bit. I don't remember what time I ate, but I had a pb & j sandwich at some point between 4 and 5 am. I kept drinking water and at about 5 am I took a bath, with my contractions coming at about 3-5 minutes apart. I was hoping for relief but when I found none, I got out and by 5:30 I was having to really moan through my contractions.

I woke J up moaning at about 6-6:30 and he was upset, we weren't prepared and he hadn't gone to the store for groceries or anything. I texted my midwife to let her know, thinking she might be up. He calmed down after a bit and he told me to go ahead and try another bath because my contractions were suddenly coming every minute, but for just about 15 seconds and they were pretty "painful" actually. Then he interjected that before I jump in, I should call my midwife just in case. She chided me for not calling earlier (my text had gone unanswered because she was asleep still) and let me know she was on her way. I jumped in and they slowed back down to 2-4 minutes apart and I felt a fresh burst of energy and felt great. Since we didn't have the birth pool (it wasn't due to arrive til that Wednesday, when my next appointment was), Jeff set up the bed in preparation for a land birth.

My contractions had nearly stopped by the time the midwife showed up at around 7:40 and she checked me, letting me know I was at least 6-7cm. I stayed in the water, not really wanting to get out. When she arrived my contractions started coming back (prompted I think, by my dilation check) and were fairly intense suddenly. They were only coming either every 5 or 10 minutes and I was able to talk and laugh through my contractions. It was fortuitous that the birth pool had arrived early and gotten to her just before she left to come to my house, so she ended up having it with her. It was my poor fortune that by the time she had arrived, we had no time to set up the pool. So even though we had the pool in the end, I couldn't use it.

After what seemed like just a few more contractions, they spaced back out again to around 15 minutes apart. They were also super mild and hardly hurt at all. I joked with J, although I was serious, that I thought my labor had stalled because there was no way I could progress like this and maybe I should start to walk around or something. He laughed and told me to listen to my body, and asked if I really felt like I needed to get out. I said no, and he said right, my body probably was just resting before the big time.

At 9:30 am I suddenly felt extraordinarily tired. I felt annoyed and flustered although I managed to keep my excitement going. I told my midwife I wanted her to check me as I felt the exact same feeling before I felt pushy with Lilija. She told me I was a really big 9 with just a lip left and if I wanted to, I could start pushing when I was ready. I didn't feel ready to push yet and wanted to give my body time to get rid of the lip so I told her I'd wait. She said that was fine, and I'd definitely have a baby within the hour anyways. My contractions started to pick up again (probably due to the cervical check again) and were really intense and 4-5 minutes apart. Jeff had to keep coming to provide counterpressure to me rocking on my hands and knees in the bath.

I was really fed up with waiting and ready to get the pushing over at about 10:30. I had waited a full hour and still didn't feel like pushing. I asked my midwife to break my water, thinking that was impeding my labor (it did with Lilija, and my water had to be broken while I was pushing for her to descend). When she went to check me one last time to get ready to break my bag of waters I felt a lot of pressure and a decent amount of pain - as my water broke. She had asked if I were peeing and I said no, so she didn't even end up getting the chance to break my waters.

After that my body immediately began pushing, the pressure was once again super intense just like with Lilija. I kept pushing and my midwife told me I still had the cervical lip, and if I wanted her to hold it out of the way. I told her no, but I'm pretty sure she didn't see me shake my head because she did in fact hold it out of the way during that contraction. During the next one, Eliza crowned and I was able to feel her head momentarily; but the next contraction happened so fast that I was pushing again before my midwife could tell me to keep pushing. Right after she had said that though, she exclaimed that I needed to get out. I started to stand but before I could even get all the way up, I found myself lifted out of the tub and onto the floor by my midwife. She told me that I needed to push right now, and I did. It was an incredibly painful push, but Eliza was out in seconds.

She put her right on top of me, and I got to hold my wet and purple baby, and just as I wondered it my midwife confirmed that she was actually a girl (since it was still a bit unclear until then). She explained that she could see the baby's shoulder was stuck during the push before that, and knew she needed to unstick it because the baby started to go back inside of me during the push, when she should have come sliding out. It was a quick push in to my push out that ended up untucking her but that was why it was so painful.

I laid there and held her, feeling nothing but love and relief. I told my husband to take some pictures, which he did while I elevated my legs. My placentas always stop pulsing and detach pretty quickly, as this one did. My midwife attempted to help me push it out because of my position, but a portion of it was still stuck to my uterine wall so she massaged my uterus (more painful than birth, for sure) while I pushed. Finally it came free and J was able to cut Eliza's cord. It was then put in tupperware that went to my freezer immediately. We called time of birth to be 10:45, about 2-3 minutes before the first picture was taken. My midwife helped me up and into bed, and I wiped off on a towel and with baby wipes for the mean time as I was way too tired for another bath or shower anyways.

We laid in bed and I attempted to get Eliza to nurse, which she did for a tiny little while but was mostly still uninterested. Since she was uninterested, my midwife did stats while we were relaxing. After stats were done and Eliza was fussing in my arms, she suddenly erupted into wails. We noticed that it sounded like she was gasping loudly for air with each breath and it was suddenly a question of whether or not we needed to call 911. My midwife ran and got the oxygen tank and I held cupped oxygen to her nose and mouth while she assessed if there were other symptoms. Everything was happening very quickly.

Once Eliza was calmer and nursing a bit, the noises calmed down a little also. It was confusing to us at the time since when nursing she was not gasping but was still making gasping-like noises, and also when she was simply relaxed she was making noises. Assessing her tone, pulse rate, and breathing itself seemed fine so my midwife pulled out the pulse ox (which needed a quick charge) to measure her oxygen levels and all the while I continued keeping oxygen on her. We both decided that before making the decision to go to the hospital and transfer, we should call the pediatrician and get their opinion because everything else was actually perfect. I called Eliza's pediatrician and my midwife called her back-up pediatrician and we consulted with them both. They both thought that a transfer was unnecessary pending pulse ox measurements. As we spoke with them, we took pulse ox while she nursed, while she lay calm, and while she cried and it stayed a steady 99 even when the noises got very loud. The back-up pediatrician could hear the noise and immediately recognized it as Stridor sound, a symptom of a few underlying causes but nothing we needed to rush to the ER for. (You can find out more about Stridor here.) We were advised that a trip to the ER or a call to 911 were not necessary unless anything changed.

We watched and waited for a while tuned into Eliza in case anything changed. Over the course of a few hours, it didn't. So with everything else checking out fine for me and for Eliza, my midwife left. Just after that, my friend and her wife arrived to visit. I was so tired, but felt so much better after eating at about 3pm. I was in awe of this tiny little baby. She is so perfect. She went the first day or so without being interested in nursing and had lost a full pound by day two (10% of her weight). She gained it back for her two week appointment and has since thrived. We have an ENT referral for her Stridor, which they believe to just be Laryngomalacia. Also, although my midwife and two different pediatricians checked her collarbones for fractures and breaks after needing help out following her dystocia, we noticed a very large bone callous at her two week appointment so she did indeed have a fractured clavicle. She didn't complain or favor it for more than a few days (which we figured it would be bruised, anyways) so we had no idea. There is no treatment for it except to let it heal though, so there's the upside on that.

And at the end of the day, it feels like every moment was meant to be.

Photo Property of AroundtheMillstone 2016

Cursed

So I seem to be cursed with computers. I have a pretty old one, it's 8 years old, and it finally died on me after we recently replaced the hard drive, replaced the fan, repasted it, and cleaned it out very good. It was the motherboard, but at the ripe old age of 8, I think it was her time. After bitching to my husband for a few months about my plight (as I have two other computers but everyone else is always using them and if I attempt to change the status quo of what we have going, it ends up with everyone miserable for various reasons), he insisted I just replace the motherboard.

So I ordered one and had to replace it about a week ago. Except, even though I was pretty thorough in my research it had one problem... with Windows 7, a motherboard is tied to that registered Windows key. Since mine was a factory install that was bought right after Windows stopped shipping discs with computers; I didn't get a Windows install/fix disc. So I've been trying to find a work-around or solution. My computer is well out of warranty so Microsoft won't help me even if I asked (unless I want to hand them some more money, and if they still have support for my model).

I think I have figured out a solution to attempt in the next few days based on some of the articles and things I have read on my problem. I mean, a blue screen of death "BSOD" is really a bad sign even if your computer is not as old as mine. At the end of the day, if I "have" to, I'll try to move the most important things manually but my hard drive is just soooo large for my computer, it would be a huge pain in the butt. So we'll see. But something like this always happens about once a year to me and I'm beginning to think technology hates me (although I love it, as obviously I am still trying to perform CPR on such an old computer... she is well-loved.)

Another problem I'm having with technology is with Pokemon Go, as my phone plays the game great although it is literally a battery drain after just about an hour's worth of game time but my iPod (whose battery doesn't drain so fast) keeps throwing me the error "GPS Not Found" even though I have maximized my settings for my GPS connectivity. So if it even loads on my iPod, it won't allow me to catch Pokemon or my character and if I play on my phone, it kills it really quickly. I guess both are known problems and so close to launch I expected a few snags. I hope they figure out a solution to at least one problem so I can truly enjoy the game as it was meant to be played.

As far as rating Pokemon Go, they could have done a much better job at giving you a tutorial (which is nonexistent) and giving more Pokestops and Gyms (at least for my area, which is very suburban there is very little within walking distance.) I also foresee supplies in-game being a huge issue for users like me who only have about 5 poke-stops nearby and not in locations where you can really sit and farm for Pokeballs and other supplies you need. The only solution they have for that problem is to actually buy Pokecoins to use for supplies.

In my head I'm also seeing some problems thinking about the functionality of gyms, because you pick a "team" and when you battle a gym, you have to completely wipe out the other side which can be 3+ trainer's worth of Pokemon before you can even place one of yours there. You do get free stuff if your Pokemon manages to stay at the gym, but users who have a lot of free time and means to travel frequently to spots to farm and train and/or who spend money to maximize their Pokemon are going to have a huge advantage and eventually it may not be possible to dethrone a team. People are not going to want to compete with that especially if they can't travel frequently or spend money on a game like this.

So far the level-up system is also incredibly costly of your hard-earned rewards and compounded with all the problems I've already mentioned, I see this being a really hard thing to do. I haven't battled yet myself, but I've also heard that the battle-system is also a huge departure from previous Pokemon battles and is very confusing and cumbersome at times. I guess time will tell for sure if they are going to manage to fix all of these issues (or potential issues) or whether it's another game that gets off to a fantastic start but tapers off once users realize its major flaws and unfair disadvantages most people are going to have. I'd like to play it at least, so let's hope!

Preparations

It's been a while since my last blog post because we've had so much going on! Mostly good news, so I can't even complain.

Firstly, we may be moving right after I have the baby. Our lease is up and they want to renovate this apartment and move us to a renovated one. So we've been going back and forth about whether we should agree to the move because though we don't mind moving, we don't think that we should be charged a "relocation" fee for something they want us to do. The bonus of the other apartment is also that is has a lot more windows, which I've been desiring for a while and it's a very short distance move if we decide to go for it. We've been tidying up for the birth (since I'm hardcore nesting) so this may actually benefit us if we move too.

Also, we ordered the home birth kit and put the crib together (side-carred to the bed). I ordered the birth pool Wednesday at my last prenatal appointment at about 34 weeks (according to the further due date I have). The appointment didn't go so well, my blood pressure was really high (for me) and my pulse was racing, and the baby's heart rate was also slightly high. I had a headache that day and combined with other symptoms I've been having including swollen joints like fingers, toes, ankles, and intense sharp pain on my right side abdomen she was worried about pre-eclampsia. The test came back negative for protein in my urine so it's definitely not pre-e although since the symptoms are still around she is sending me for an ultrasound Tuesday. I won't order the birth pool liner until the ultrasound just in case, however unlikely, my symptoms amount to more than end-of-pregnancy irritations. The upside to this is also that I can ask about gender for-sure and it will give me time to return anything if it turns out to be the opposite gender we're expecting (girl).

I haven't had a lot of spare time or motivation besides this as I'm still actively working a full schedule and trying to nest and deal with being pregnant because I'm so tired of being pregnant. I have never been this tired of being pregnant and it actually makes me a bit disappointed in myself. I'm in my own way, I'm in pain a lot of the time, tired, and I can't stop peeing every 10 minutes. I've been pregnant all but 3 months since April of last year (we will have lost the twins one year ago on 6/4) and while I'm thankful to be pregnant with a healthy baby; I just feel like I can't do much more of this. The upcoming angelversary of the twins I think has a lot to do with it, but also the uncertainty of when my actual due date is and how much longer I have to wait. I don't feel like the pregnant goddess I was with M and L, instead I feel like a frumpy old maid who's cranky all the time. I want to feel like me again. I want to have a glass of wine when I've had a hard day and I want to stop struggling to keep my blood pressure regular with the underlying POTS. I feel like it's a fight to do everything this time around.

Work isn't helping, they keep giving me extra long shifts (longer than nearly everyone else's at 7-9 hours) and except this week I've had 5 long shifts in a row with two days off each week. I know this sounds 'normal' but for what I do and how we're scheduled, this is actually pretty extreme of a schedule. Since I'm in customer service, I also work several different roles and they keep putting me in one role that is starting to become irritating and a strain because of my size and they keep doing it even though I've mentioned it. My midwife recommended I limit myself to 6 hour shifts max so they're in for a surprise next schedule. I'm also getting fed up with nearly every single customer mentioning my pregnancy. Because I'm already frustrated about how much longer I have to go (potentially up to 2 more months), telling me I look like I'm ready to pop and when am I going to stop working is literally going to make me blow up. I want to stop working but I also want as much time as I can get with the baby so it won't be anytime soon, so I really just want to slap everyone who asks.

This has turned into more of a whine than intended but I guess I needed to get it out! I really haven't been as miserable as this sounds, we've gotten tons of good news and there's plenty of times I feel great, but I must have pent up more than I thought! We also got our taxes back finally so I will be getting a few private driving lessons so I can just go get my license finally. It hasn't been a priority up to this point but it's become clear I really need to in order to make everything easier on all of us.

So anyways, we're just that much closer to being prepared for the baby! I can't wait for him/her to get here. Really.

Gears & Closing

Yep, as you can see on the tabs, I've been working on something a little different, my gears have been turning and I'm not done yet. I found there were so many little things I was not remembering about our days. I would remember she did something fantastic and new, and not remember exactly what she was doing when I went to gush about it in pride - I would forget in my excitement and busy mind! I toyed with the daily post idea but that felt too obnoxious and I don't think I would have been able to stick to it. So I created a tab I can update anytime, every day or a few days at a time. It's mostly for myself, but anyone who actually wants to look, can. Tonight we had an earthquake, 4.5 magnitude! We don't normally get earthquakes but we've had at least 5 in the past 10 years, at least noticeable ones. Was exciting and scary...the whole house shook.

Meanwhile, a favorite NCB group ceases to exist tonight. The owner is keeping her blog and facebook page but the actual handful of groups are gone tonight. She just announced she was leaving and started deleting members, and the majority of the almost-4,000 members are very upset. She did not give enough time for people to regroup and band together somewhere else - which of course has happened, five new groups have sprung up with one new prominent group which after just a few hours now has over 500 members. So we'll see how this new group works out, but already the environment is much more open than stuffy like it used to be.

So here I am. I myself want to step back from facebook, it's a major time suck. It took me all night to write this post in light of all that went on today on the new facebook groups plus the earthquake and a very cranky teething baby. I have a love/hate relationship with it and find it hard to talk to anyone personally on and off. It is just so impersonal, words on a screen. Unfortunately many of my friends do not live close enough for me to see them face-to-face and there lies the pickle. I have a lot I want to get done in my personal life and facebook seems to suck the motivation right out from under me. So I am going to dedicate more time here and doing other things. I hope.

Things are moving faster (bit by bit) with the homebuying process. It's not fast enough [insert headbang of frustration], and never could be. Bahahahah! We're closer and closer, though. I try not to go into too much detail because although things are moving, any predictions on whether it will move faster or slower or speculating will gain me nothing but frustration...it won't bring anything to fruition.

In light of the new group and closing of the older group, I am seriously thinking of starting a forum in place of what was there previously. I actually have been debating doing this for a while now, but I really didn't think that it was a good idea because I didn't know if I wanted to handle it...the actual admin role, on my own. But I know I can, I just need the motivation. With J's help I am sure that it could work out. We'll see.

I don't know what else to say in this post, so I am closing for the night. Goodnight blogosphere!

Mairead - 14 Months old

Current teeth: 8
Current hair color: Auburn
Current eye color: Greenish blue
Height: 32" tall, or 2ft 8in.
Weight: 23 lbs
Naps: 2

My favorite book: All of them!
My favorite song: The Alphabet, although after E I just get confused...they all sound like E!
My favorite toy: My music table (although I really like my other ones too!)
My favorite time of day: Anytime there's food! (All day!)
My favorite food: Cheese, like mama!
My favorite show: Super Why!, Chica, and I'm pretty into Poppy Cat
My favorite color: Red, I pick this color the most when I play with my toys
My favorite shape: Circle, I really like round things!
My favorite place: The Zoo!
My favorite animal: My favorite is doggies, but I really liked birds and goats when I went to the zoo. Those Ostriches are so pretty!
My favorite word: All of them, depends on the day! I can say a lot now, 20 or 30!

My favorite hobbies: EATING. I will eat all day long. All day. Long. I learned how to open the cabinets in the kitchen, so that is a must! I love talking on anything that resembles a telephone! I love to throw my toys out of my playpen, and then put them back in if I could reach...like I do with my toy boxes! I still love my bathtime. I like milk snuggles with mama, often! I can run in circles now even though I fall on my face a lot, it's fun! I like to dance, my favorite move is the leg shake.

My current dislikes: Mama leaving the room, Mama eating without sharing, that scary talking face Grandma took out for Halloween and the little talking guy. I also hate being told no.


I love you, pretty girl, I can't believe how big you're getting. Every day that passes is a new journey, even when I feel like it's just another day. You're such a special soul that lights up my world even in the darkest of times.

~Mama

A First Pinterest Project - Oobleck

As M is now old enough to enjoy sensory play, I decided to go with some Oobleck, also known as goop and "silly slime" among other things. I made it as a child and really enjoyed playing in it. It's supposed to work a bit like quick sand, where it is extremely liquidy if you have it in your hands, but it solidifies in a container; if you stick your fingers in it is harder to pull them out.

Because M is only 13 months, I wanted it to be a little less "sticky" so that it wasn't awful to clean up. So instead of the traditional recipe I altered it a bit.


Oobleck Recipe

• 1 1/2 - 2 cups of Flour (my alteration)
• 2 cups of Corn Starch
• 2 cups Water
• Marker Ink (my alteration)

In the original recipe, you are supposed to use only corn starch. I diluted it with flour to keep it from being too sticky. I estimated my cups so use your own discretion when diluting it. Also, the original recipe calls for food coloring, which we were out of. I search for substitutes on Google, and someone said that they successfully substituted food coloring with marker ink diluted in water. Unfortunately, this didn't work for me, and it ran right off the Oobleck and into the drain. 

Because I didn't want to spend two hours mopping, wiping, and bathing M, I just let her play with it in the bathtub. It was perfect, and it was 5 minutes total of clean up!!

Anyways, here are some pictures of her playing in it. She LOVED it! The pictures are not great quality because the bathroom has virtually no natural light.

~Rose

A Review of Sprout

For many Americans, Sprout is one of the most popular and widely-available toddler-preschool-acceptable channel on cable television. It breaks the day up into several smaller "shows" during the day where episodes are played. The Wiggly Waffle is hosted by The Wiggles, from 6-9 AM, followed by the live Sunny Side Up Show who has several  rotating hosts from 9 AM until 12 PM, then The 2-hour SuperSproutlet Show which was recently added and hosted by Bean and Sportacus (from LazyTown), followed by The 2-hour Super Sharing Show hosted by three puppets named Patty, Ricky, and Curtis E. Owl, and lastly; The Goodnight Show which plays from 6 PM - 6 AM in 3 hour loops hosted by Nina and two puppets, Star and Lucy.

The number of shows played on this channel on a daily basis are extremely wonderfully diverse with new shows added every few months. Some include the ever-popular Angelina Ballerina, Barney & Friends, The Berenstein Bears, Bob the Builder, Caillou, Chloe's Closet, Driver Dan's Story Train, Fifi and the Flowertots, Fireman Sam, Kipper, LazyTown, Nina's Little Fables, Pajanamals, Play With Me Sesame (Sesame Street spin-off), Poppy Cat, Sesame Street, Super WHY!, and The Wiggles. Many of these shows are Canadian, Australian, or English in origin, mostly Angelina Ballerina, Caillou, Chloe's Closet, Fireman Sam, Kipper, Poppy Cat, and The Wiggles. This past year they've added 2-3 new shows already or altered ones they already show. They've even announced new shows this year to be added to their schedule.

I enjoy this channel due to the animated characters - human and puppet alike. I enjoy this channel because my daughter enjoys these characters as well - they are charismatic and funny. She loves Chica, the new host Carly, and Nina and Star. She loves to sing in the morning with Chica and stretch with Nina at night. The shows are educational and have few downsides, unlike, for example "Max & Ruby" which is plays on Nick Jr. In "Max & Ruby," Max is 3 and Ruby is 7; and they live alone without supervision. I don't believe their parents have been shown in any of the five seasons. Ruby is often bossy and abusive to Max, ignoring him and constantly lecturing him over nothing. None of the shows played on Sprout have that kind of nonsense.

If I were to rate this channel, I would give it a four out of five stars, only because there is always room for improvement. I truly enjoy this channel and only allow M to watch a few other shows from other channels. This is the number one channel I recommend to other parents with young children.

~Rose



Disclaimer: I was not paid or asked to review this channel or any of the shows mention, I did not receive any gifts or items from the sponsors or producers of the channel or any of the shows. All opinions and thoughts are my own.

Do Not Stand At My Grave

I needed to hear this today. It's a frank reminder that even when we miss someone, they aren't gone. They are here, just not in the form we are used to. I still talk to my grandmother when I need to, aloud, because I know that somewhere...she can hear me.

Do Not Stand At My Grave -- Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave bereft

I am not there. I have not left.

Born This Way

This image was posted on a really beloved support group on Facebook today. I love it there, and I am so proud of the owner for sharing this image.

The responses? Not so much. The typical "this is against Christianity", "this is offensive", "people aren't born gay", etc followed of course.

This bothers me - in 2012 that such ignorance is still bred. Yep, IGNORANCE.

To those who continue to claim that being gay is a lifestyle choice and not genetic, you should actually do some research. There have been several recent studies linking brain activity in response to smelling pheromones (male to male, female to female) which is part of our sexual responses, it is innate and not learned OR chosen. Researchers have also found that gay male brains are shaped differently than straight men's, and the same for women's, again they were BORN like that. The American Psychological Association has said "Homosexuality is not a mental disorder and thus there is no need for a /cure/." Also, they've said encouraging homosexuals to change their orientation is mentally HARMFUL.

As far as religion, Jesus NEVER spoke about it, the Jewish Prophets never spoke of it, only six (seven?) out of over a million verses ever reference or talk about homosexual behavior - and it is not in reference to sexual "orientation" as its understood today. In fact, in those times, bisexuality was a given and if it was SUCH a problem with Jesus or God, I'm sure it would be referenced and talked about much more. However, I'm not Christian, and I don't claim to know what the divine says or doesn't say. The Bible was written by mankind, and men are flawed and have agendas, even Christians. Scripture has been twisted for agendas for centuries, Slavery, Aparteid, segregation, anyone? Even those who wrote the Bible CANNOT claim to know everything about what God believes or doesn't believe. And neither should anyone else feel entitled to do so, and to judge others (doesn't the Bible also say not to judge others, for God will do so? Doesn't it say love thy neighbor? Why is it that people feel entitled to deny others rights they are born with, because of THEIR religion and beliefs?)

Even if the scripture is "without error" human understanding is NOT and we cannot pretend that we know it all, that we know what god believes and use that to discriminate. Were all of you virgins until the day you were married? No? Well then be lucky you weren't stoned as it says for your husband to do so in Deuteronomy. The same goes for adulterers, and divorce and remarriage...also sins. A man can sleep with prostitutes but the wife may be killed if she does so, polygamy is okay for men and not for women. Treating women like property was ok and it was recommended girls 11-13 be married off. Do you agree with those sexual teachings too? No? Okay then. In the scripture it IS Adam and Eve and god does say it is "natural" for a man and woman to come together to create children. So Homosexuality must therefore be "unnatural"? Does that also mean single people, couples who can't have children, couples who are too old to have children, and couples who choose not to have children are also "unnatural?" "Well what about Leviticus?" Leviticus was written well over 3,000 years ago and is a holy code (list of things not acceptable in a faith at a certain time or place). It was written for PRIESTS only, and both Jesus AND Paul said it didn't pertain to Christians. Do you know what an "abomination" was translated as? The Hebrew word was To'ebah, which are just behaviors that were unacceptable socially in certain places or times. NOT like a modern "abomination" as we use the word.

What about "malaokois" and "arsenkoitai" aka "effeminate call boys/male prostitutes" and "homosexuals" being referred to by Paul? Okay, yes, he condemned "malaokois" in reference to effeminate call boys (NOT male prostitutes as is commonly believed), but arsenkoitai has NEVER been translated. There is no such word in Hebrew OR Greek. It was ONE person who translated it to mean "homosexual" based on his OWN interpretation and people just followed it because they couldn't crack it, either. What Paul, or even Moses, talked about it being "unnatural" it is perhaps because of their lack of understanding and not because God propheted this to them. They also thought the Earth was flat, the Sun moved up and down, and that the semen of man was the only component of child-making, that a woman was only an incubator for the already-made child. Should we be trusting them in matters of science? No.

We are governed by a Bill of Rights and NOT by the Bible, since not everyone is Christian or should have to follow what the Bible says. Everyone is born with inherent rights in the United States - those rights do not vanish if they turn out to be part of a minority. It is not right or okay to try and take them away in the name of religion. Marriage is NOT a sanctity of only Christians, it is an idea that goes far far further back, the Pagans were usually handfasted (more serious than an engagement, less serious than a marriage) for 1 year and 1 day, and then permanently bound in marriage. It does not "cheapen" marriage, and marriage does not "belong" to any one religion. It is a given right to every man and every woman, and there should be NO questions or objections. Remember, church and state are separate and should be.

Christians, remember...only the Christian God may judge you and thy neighbor. It is not your job to approve or disapprove, it is your job to love them like Jesus loves you. Jesus said that is the bottom line. Follow it. 

Value Women, Value Motherhood. And Oh Yeah... Don't Be A Sheep

What do you know? You're not a doctor.

It's about the health of the baby, anyways.

Statements like these are cold comfort for silent sufferers.

Sufferers from birth abuse and medical malpractice of all kinds. Shadows pushed aside from the white, sterile, life-saving images of a hospital. Pushed aside during their cries with statements like "Well that's just how it is." They are blemishes on the medical community and are trivialized, so many don't even bother speaking up. Most of them don't even know they've been wronged. But those who do...their cries are ignored because of what we've been indoctrinated with. Doctors are gods. Do what they say. Birth is only about the baby, so shut up and take it...you want a healthy baby right?

Our health care system is a mess.

Our health care system is a big mess.

Our health care system is a monstrosity. 

I am sick of women telling their stories and hearing the same old responses.

"Get over it, it's not about you. Stop being so selfish." "You're LUCKY to have a healthy baby!" "If you hadn't seen the doctor when you did, you could have died! He saved you!" 

I am sick of people belittling others about their tragedies or bad treatment and trying to silence the problems in the medical community. In the case of birth; the birth of a child is the birth of a mother. A mother's feelings during her pregnancy, during and after her labor and delivery will affect her forever. For. Ever. It will change who she is, how she views and treats herself, her child, and the rest of the world. A mother's role in pregnancy and birth is not just to grow the baby and push it out of her vagina (or consent to her baby being ripped from her abdomen). A mother's role is to be able to trust herself, her body, her baby, her spouse (if she has one), and her caretakers. To grow, be empowered, and marvel at how beautiful it all is. Her role is to become a spiritual goddess, a primal being, allowed to do what she and her baby need to do.

Mothers are vastly undervalued here, most prominently when it comes to labor and birth. They are treated as just conduits, mere conduits for their baby to enter the world. Nothing more. They are treated as if they have no big role, that the doctor is the one who will actually hold that baby Simba up on that high rock. Unimportant in the scheme compared to the doctor who will "save" their baby.

I can't say it's not women's fault. Of course it's not primarily or even mostly, their fault...but it doesn't mean women don't contribute to the problem. Women do not fight for their value; they hide behind stereotypes and the status quo. They do what is popular, accepted, or recommended without questioning whether it is right for their baby...just for them. Mothers have settled for doing what's convenient and easy for them rather than what is best for their baby. They slap on excuses like "Happy Mama = Happy Baby" which is true...but just because your baby is very happy does not mean you are doing your best for them. It's parenting by minimums. The minimum you can do is formula feed (by choice right from the start). The minimum you can do is sit your child in their bouncy seat all day. The minimum you can do is cry it out. The minimum you can do is spank. But that's okay because it works for the mom (99% of the time it is NOT right for the baby). They give up their roles by allowing doctors, teachers, peers, and society to tell them when they are and aren't important and right, how to raise their children, who they are, what their role is, and how it fits in. They allow these "superior", "more educated", "experienced" people to destroy what being a mother is. They trade what is important for what is perceived as easier and more convenient. Trade in what is best for their children for what is best for them because it's easy.

This brainwashing starts when the mother becomes pregnant (well, it starts when THEIR mothers were pregnant, and from birth on, but it kicks in when a woman becomes pregnant!) The doctors tell her what and what not to do. They prescribe anti-nausea meds, anti-reflux meds, pain medications, medications for anxiety and depression; but don't explain the real risks (or make them sound minuscule and not serious), assure women they are "safe" and "effective." They reassure with "It will help. I mean, how could you possibly function without it? Think about how much easier it will make your life!" The insist on the flu shot and the TDaP vaccine. Most doctors don't know the risks or don't share them, and don't read the literature on them. The shock comes when these women's previously healthy babies develop serious birth defects or experience spontaneous miscarriage or stillbirth. And who is blamed? The woman. Always the woman.

"What? No, it wasn't those medications/vaccines. They are perfectly safe, or else I wouldn't have prescribed them. You have done something to cause this. You must not have ate healthy enough. You must have ate cold cuts. You must have drank alcohol or did drugs. Maybe you wanted this to happen. Did you want to hurt the baby on purpose?? Maybe you aren't meant to have kids. This happened to you for a reason. Your body just can't have kids." 

My OB said WHAT?!

How is that fair? It isn't and the doctors lay on a thick guilt trip to make the mother second guess herself and damage her already fragile emotional state. Most women will never recover from that. From reading blogs, mommy websites, mommy groups, and facebook...I've seen women regurgitate what they've been told by their care providers. I've seen about ever excuse possible for a doctor's/caregiver's mistakes and/or negligence. The blame is always placed squarely on the shoulder of the women.

The thing is...

WOMEN BELIEVE IT!

Women lose all confidence in themselves, their bodies, and everything they think they know. So they learn to continue relying on the "almighty" doctor. They don't understand that there are alternative explanations, and alternative care they can receive besides what doctors tell them. Most don't bother to put the effort in to find the answers, they just can't come to terms with the fact that they are not a failure, but put the life of their child in the hands of a failure. They don't realize their body is not a lemon.

Pregnancy usually rolls along just "fine." Most of the time by the third trimester the doctor presents a "problem." This problem is usually accompanied by either a "dead baby" card, or a fake benefit or upside. "The baby is too big, you need a c-section or the baby will get stuck and die. You don't want that, right? You have gained too much weight, lay off the twinkies and carbs, or you'll never lose it post partum. Your due date is approaching, we're just gonna go ahead with an induction today. Don't you want to meet your baby today? Why not schedule that elective cesarean now? You'll get to pick your baby's birthday! You'll skip the pain of labor, it only takes 20 minutes! Plus, you will be doing your husband a favor by not ruining your vagina. Oh, your water broke? Come in immediately because if you labor more than 24 hours you will get an infection and you will make your baby sick. Your baby could die!"

Again, more often than not there really is no problem, but nothing is ever discussed with the mother about whether or not a problem is really indicated. She is told there is one, instead of coming to the conclusion on her own that there is one. They never explain the (very serious) risks of routine interventions and attempt to intimidate the mother into complying to whatever they say. Some will even sweet talk the mother until the mother is in labor, and then take advantage of her weak situation. 

The uninformed mother almost universally goes along with things. She doesn't want to be a bad mom, and what if her baby does get sick and die? The mother is set up for more failure and destruction of herself. She thinks..."He's the doctor, and doctors know best, after all. They have a lot more schooling. What isn't great about having my baby sooner? I get to pick his birthday? Sign me up. If it were so dangerous they wouldn't allow it to be done." She reassures herself that this is okay even though she knows deep down that it isn't.

Even informed women fall prey and crumble under pressure from the Establishment, and often. These women are punished, ridiculed, and ostracized for daring to step outside of "policy" or what is accepted as "normal." But that's okay because, having a healthy baby is the goal, right??

Right.

Except, it is intertwined inextricably with a healthy, happy mother. It is the same thing. It is not separate. Up until the cord is cut after birth, mama and baby are one and it is essential to treat them as the mama wishes during labor especially. If the roots of the plant are not watered, are not given the nutrients it needs...how can the plant be healthy? If you don't treat the roots well, the plant will not do well. Women hardly realize that they are blind to how they are being treated...well, rather, mistreated. They are being mistreated medically, ethically, emotionally, physically, socially, and lawlessly. They don't see that they are being damaged.

Undervalued.

Oh yeah, and then birth! Women are told what is going to happen. "We're going to strap you with this monitor. You need an IV, you can't keep anything down plus if (read: when) we have to give you a c-section. What's this? Oh, just (just?!) Pitocin...it just speeds things up. We're going to break your water, it will too speed things up. Pain is too intense? I'll call the anesthesiologist. What? No Epidural? Honey, why be in pain if you don't need to be? Just get it, you'll thank me later. Hungry? Too bad, hospital does not all eating in their policy. Walking to help dilate you? Haha! That IV needs to stay in and we need to monitor the baby so don't dare get out of bed. How about that epidural now? You need to wait to push for the doctor to get here. Why are we getting the scissors? Well honey, you can't seem to push right or hard enough so we're going to cut you so the doctor can deliver the baby. You can't hold your baby right now, you're being stitched. He also needs to be warmed. You cannot waive these shots or the eye ointment. I know you don't have any STD's, but testing could be faulty. The baby is deceling. You need an emergency c-section.  You can't. You can't. You can't. Here's the general anesthesia mask. ........Aren't you glad the doctor saved your baby?"

How is any of this good for the mother's health, sense of self, confidence, faith, privacy, rights? How about for the baby's? This is not respect for life, this is respect of money. None of these things have been proven safe when used regularly, none of these statements considerate. None of this has improved outcomes for mothers or babies (the United States has one of the worst morbidity and mortality rate of mothers and babies). The doctors by now have usually destroyed all faith and trust and sense of self a women has for herself, her body, her baby, her spouse, and nature.

And so the cycle goes. I know I'm getting repetitive. I know. I know you're not all morons. The points are just so important and warrant repetition. Why can't women accept that doctors aren't know-it-all gods. You don't know whether they graduated with D's or A's. You don't know whether they keep on the most recent recommendations and/or studies. You don't know whether or not his/her personal opinions influence or affect their practice or recommendations. In fact, how can they not?

No, of course most doctors aren't out to do this sort of damage or harm anyone purposely. Many doctors are just going by what they were taught (curricula courtesy of Big Pharma!) and what their experiences have been (influenced completely by Big Pharma). But, there are some doctors who despite knowing what is going on behind the curtains, choose to continue to knowingly hurt people.

"But, why?"

Why else? Money. Political gain. If there weren't any sick people to treat, most of the pharmaceutical industry would crumble and cease to exist. It's good business to keep people sick. It helps population control. Even better yet, helps to get people to follow the status quo and authority (read: government).

Some people might call this an anti-science or an anti-doctor rant. That's now what this is at all. What it is, is a pro-information rant. A pro-research rant. A pro-self-reliance rant. People should question things. They should weigh the risk and benefit themselves with all information provided or researched themselves. If they happen to agree with their doctor, that's great! They've come to that same conclusion on their own, knowing all the facts and having all the information available to them; and basing it off how well they know their bodies and themselves. When people accept recommendations by a doctor, accepting the doctor's risk vs. benefit analysis, they are putting blind faith in their doctor. Their doctor only has so much information, the blanks are filled in by assumptions. Doctors don't know your body like you do.

Don't accept things just because someone with 'Ph.D' following their named or stamped on their desk plate told you so. They are human too; not impervious to mistakes, misinformation, greed, and narcissism. You should take control of your own health, not rely on someone else to do it for you. Don't be a sheep, blindly following their leader. Do you hire the doctor to advise you, or does he hire you to be advised?

Who is in control of you and your health?

This goes for health, motherhood, parenting, relationships, and everything else in life. You need to be able to trust yourself and discover what is right for you by coming to your own conclusions....not relying on someone else to do it for you.

Rose

Introductions? Who needs 'em?

8/1 Most of you who read this will probably know me personally. So you will be pretty clued in. For those of you who stumble upon this blog, meh. You will get to know me in time. However, here's the basics. I'm a SAHM of an almost one year old girl and will be married to one fantastic guy really soon.

So we're trying to buy a house; but we've been set back again and again. It sucks. The earliest we can bid now is probably around Oct. 1st. We were supposed to be already in a new one, but hurdle after hurdle has popped up in front of us. It's worse than jumpin' through hoops! Other than that, you'll have to stay tuned to find other stuff out about us!


Rose