Who's Calling? - #SundaySpirituality

For several nights now, I wake up in the mornings to my alarm. Except I'm not really there. I'm somewhere else. I feel completely disoriented, torn between asleep and awake. My mind can only fill in the blanks with the image of a call screen. I literally see the phone screen in my head, and it overpowers my actual vision. This vision seems to focus on the red "end" button that you see on phone screens. My mind literally grapples, screaming at me to hit the "end call" button but there's a physical disconnect like my body isn't my body and can't actually accomplish this.

When this happens, I can't think of anything else but the red button. It's literally my brain screaming "PRESS THE BUTTON!" and mentally, as if I have a body in my brain, it seems to grope around trying to make synapses and nerves connect. It is a very strange, alarming feeling. When I "snap" out of it, it's gone in a blink. I have no memory of dreams that occur before this moment and no inkling about who this "caller" is and what the call is about.

This isn't the first series of nights that this has happened, it's happened sporadically a few times since maybe the end of winter. It has never been so intense though, or lasted for consecutive amounts of time. Pregnancy dreams are crazy and I've had my fair share, hormones can make your brain do funny things. But this is something...different. Not that. It doesn't feel like a dream. I'm almost certain that I am dreaming about other things before this "call" moment between dream and awake.

It has worried me before when it's happened, but I always figured it was my mind's way of disconnecting from a dream about someone I was hoping to speak with on the other side - my grandmother. I always brushed it off and decided that it's probably nothing, the disorientating vision is just a fluke. Now I'm sure it's not. But despite my efforts, the meaning feels shrouded and just out of reach. Like it's there, it's right there...but I can't see it clearly.

I honestly don't understand. Is this person calling me? Am I calling them? Are they "listening in" without permission, and that's why my waking mind is scrambling to end the call? Or am I hiding this from myself because I'm not yet meant to understand? I know I need to meditate on this, but first I've done a 3-card Tarot spread to help figure out what the hell is going on. 

The Lovers is kind of puzzling, as my marriage is doing great right now and we haven't been arguing or squabbling, no distress or friction between us. It does fit certain other relationships (and by some extension, relationships of others that is directly influencing our life) so this is very interesting. The Three of Wands and Eight of Wands are positive confirmation of things that have been in the works. I'm not sure how it all ties in to this vision, however. 

I'm not sure what to think yet, but I'll definitely be asking some clearer questions. Very curious. I'm going to have a long think on this.

Do Not Stand At My Grave

I needed to hear this today. It's a frank reminder that even when we miss someone, they aren't gone. They are here, just not in the form we are used to. I still talk to my grandmother when I need to, aloud, because I know that somewhere...she can hear me.

Do Not Stand At My Grave -- Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave bereft

I am not there. I have not left.

Born This Way

This image was posted on a really beloved support group on Facebook today. I love it there, and I am so proud of the owner for sharing this image.

The responses? Not so much. The typical "this is against Christianity", "this is offensive", "people aren't born gay", etc followed of course.

This bothers me - in 2012 that such ignorance is still bred. Yep, IGNORANCE.

To those who continue to claim that being gay is a lifestyle choice and not genetic, you should actually do some research. There have been several recent studies linking brain activity in response to smelling pheromones (male to male, female to female) which is part of our sexual responses, it is innate and not learned OR chosen. Researchers have also found that gay male brains are shaped differently than straight men's, and the same for women's, again they were BORN like that. The American Psychological Association has said "Homosexuality is not a mental disorder and thus there is no need for a /cure/." Also, they've said encouraging homosexuals to change their orientation is mentally HARMFUL.

As far as religion, Jesus NEVER spoke about it, the Jewish Prophets never spoke of it, only six (seven?) out of over a million verses ever reference or talk about homosexual behavior - and it is not in reference to sexual "orientation" as its understood today. In fact, in those times, bisexuality was a given and if it was SUCH a problem with Jesus or God, I'm sure it would be referenced and talked about much more. However, I'm not Christian, and I don't claim to know what the divine says or doesn't say. The Bible was written by mankind, and men are flawed and have agendas, even Christians. Scripture has been twisted for agendas for centuries, Slavery, Aparteid, segregation, anyone? Even those who wrote the Bible CANNOT claim to know everything about what God believes or doesn't believe. And neither should anyone else feel entitled to do so, and to judge others (doesn't the Bible also say not to judge others, for God will do so? Doesn't it say love thy neighbor? Why is it that people feel entitled to deny others rights they are born with, because of THEIR religion and beliefs?)

Even if the scripture is "without error" human understanding is NOT and we cannot pretend that we know it all, that we know what god believes and use that to discriminate. Were all of you virgins until the day you were married? No? Well then be lucky you weren't stoned as it says for your husband to do so in Deuteronomy. The same goes for adulterers, and divorce and remarriage...also sins. A man can sleep with prostitutes but the wife may be killed if she does so, polygamy is okay for men and not for women. Treating women like property was ok and it was recommended girls 11-13 be married off. Do you agree with those sexual teachings too? No? Okay then. In the scripture it IS Adam and Eve and god does say it is "natural" for a man and woman to come together to create children. So Homosexuality must therefore be "unnatural"? Does that also mean single people, couples who can't have children, couples who are too old to have children, and couples who choose not to have children are also "unnatural?" "Well what about Leviticus?" Leviticus was written well over 3,000 years ago and is a holy code (list of things not acceptable in a faith at a certain time or place). It was written for PRIESTS only, and both Jesus AND Paul said it didn't pertain to Christians. Do you know what an "abomination" was translated as? The Hebrew word was To'ebah, which are just behaviors that were unacceptable socially in certain places or times. NOT like a modern "abomination" as we use the word.

What about "malaokois" and "arsenkoitai" aka "effeminate call boys/male prostitutes" and "homosexuals" being referred to by Paul? Okay, yes, he condemned "malaokois" in reference to effeminate call boys (NOT male prostitutes as is commonly believed), but arsenkoitai has NEVER been translated. There is no such word in Hebrew OR Greek. It was ONE person who translated it to mean "homosexual" based on his OWN interpretation and people just followed it because they couldn't crack it, either. What Paul, or even Moses, talked about it being "unnatural" it is perhaps because of their lack of understanding and not because God propheted this to them. They also thought the Earth was flat, the Sun moved up and down, and that the semen of man was the only component of child-making, that a woman was only an incubator for the already-made child. Should we be trusting them in matters of science? No.

We are governed by a Bill of Rights and NOT by the Bible, since not everyone is Christian or should have to follow what the Bible says. Everyone is born with inherent rights in the United States - those rights do not vanish if they turn out to be part of a minority. It is not right or okay to try and take them away in the name of religion. Marriage is NOT a sanctity of only Christians, it is an idea that goes far far further back, the Pagans were usually handfasted (more serious than an engagement, less serious than a marriage) for 1 year and 1 day, and then permanently bound in marriage. It does not "cheapen" marriage, and marriage does not "belong" to any one religion. It is a given right to every man and every woman, and there should be NO questions or objections. Remember, church and state are separate and should be.

Christians, remember...only the Christian God may judge you and thy neighbor. It is not your job to approve or disapprove, it is your job to love them like Jesus loves you. Jesus said that is the bottom line. Follow it.