Preparations

It's been a while since my last blog post because we've had so much going on! Mostly good news, so I can't even complain.

Firstly, we may be moving right after I have the baby. Our lease is up and they want to renovate this apartment and move us to a renovated one. So we've been going back and forth about whether we should agree to the move because though we don't mind moving, we don't think that we should be charged a "relocation" fee for something they want us to do. The bonus of the other apartment is also that is has a lot more windows, which I've been desiring for a while and it's a very short distance move if we decide to go for it. We've been tidying up for the birth (since I'm hardcore nesting) so this may actually benefit us if we move too.

Also, we ordered the home birth kit and put the crib together (side-carred to the bed). I ordered the birth pool Wednesday at my last prenatal appointment at about 34 weeks (according to the further due date I have). The appointment didn't go so well, my blood pressure was really high (for me) and my pulse was racing, and the baby's heart rate was also slightly high. I had a headache that day and combined with other symptoms I've been having including swollen joints like fingers, toes, ankles, and intense sharp pain on my right side abdomen she was worried about pre-eclampsia. The test came back negative for protein in my urine so it's definitely not pre-e although since the symptoms are still around she is sending me for an ultrasound Tuesday. I won't order the birth pool liner until the ultrasound just in case, however unlikely, my symptoms amount to more than end-of-pregnancy irritations. The upside to this is also that I can ask about gender for-sure and it will give me time to return anything if it turns out to be the opposite gender we're expecting (girl).

I haven't had a lot of spare time or motivation besides this as I'm still actively working a full schedule and trying to nest and deal with being pregnant because I'm so tired of being pregnant. I have never been this tired of being pregnant and it actually makes me a bit disappointed in myself. I'm in my own way, I'm in pain a lot of the time, tired, and I can't stop peeing every 10 minutes. I've been pregnant all but 3 months since April of last year (we will have lost the twins one year ago on 6/4) and while I'm thankful to be pregnant with a healthy baby; I just feel like I can't do much more of this. The upcoming angelversary of the twins I think has a lot to do with it, but also the uncertainty of when my actual due date is and how much longer I have to wait. I don't feel like the pregnant goddess I was with M and L, instead I feel like a frumpy old maid who's cranky all the time. I want to feel like me again. I want to have a glass of wine when I've had a hard day and I want to stop struggling to keep my blood pressure regular with the underlying POTS. I feel like it's a fight to do everything this time around.

Work isn't helping, they keep giving me extra long shifts (longer than nearly everyone else's at 7-9 hours) and except this week I've had 5 long shifts in a row with two days off each week. I know this sounds 'normal' but for what I do and how we're scheduled, this is actually pretty extreme of a schedule. Since I'm in customer service, I also work several different roles and they keep putting me in one role that is starting to become irritating and a strain because of my size and they keep doing it even though I've mentioned it. My midwife recommended I limit myself to 6 hour shifts max so they're in for a surprise next schedule. I'm also getting fed up with nearly every single customer mentioning my pregnancy. Because I'm already frustrated about how much longer I have to go (potentially up to 2 more months), telling me I look like I'm ready to pop and when am I going to stop working is literally going to make me blow up. I want to stop working but I also want as much time as I can get with the baby so it won't be anytime soon, so I really just want to slap everyone who asks.

This has turned into more of a whine than intended but I guess I needed to get it out! I really haven't been as miserable as this sounds, we've gotten tons of good news and there's plenty of times I feel great, but I must have pent up more than I thought! We also got our taxes back finally so I will be getting a few private driving lessons so I can just go get my license finally. It hasn't been a priority up to this point but it's become clear I really need to in order to make everything easier on all of us.

So anyways, we're just that much closer to being prepared for the baby! I can't wait for him/her to get here. Really.

Book Review: The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

So I've been meaning to start doing some book reviews for a while, just as a hobby for myself. With POTS, brain fog and memory troubles are common and I am definitely one who suffers from them (worse as the years go on). I keep track of the books I read and rate them, but often have trouble remembering exact details when a sequel comes out, or when I go to talk about it with a friend or as a recommendation. It's not even that I don't read well enough to remember the details - I do - in the long-term. I don't know all the science behind it, but I did take a university class on learning and memory and the basics say that some people remember details better long-term than short term. My brain has a hard time connecting the storage links between my long term memory and short term memory, so I may not be able to tell you what show was on 6 minutes ago, but in 6 months I'll recall what show it was, what scene it was, and what was said. It sounds odd and backwards - but that is just how POTS has affected my memory personally. In other words, doing some book reviews are meant to try and help jog my memory and keep it fresh while also giving other readers insight into books they may want to read! Double win.

So here goes.

The Name of the Wind

Patrick Rothfuss

I want to start off by saying that I love fantasy and sci-fi; but there are certain sub-genres that really really just repel me for no particular reason. Many of them have covers that remind me of dime-store (I guess, dollar-store now) paperbacks that have fluff-filled pages that lonely women and men read because they themselves are as flat and fluff-filled as the books. Even if the subject of the book and the excerpts on the covers make me want to read it; a bad dime-store cover will make me put it back on the shelf. No kidding. So when my best friend told me about this book they were reading, it sounded interesting and I looked it up. The picture happened to be something that reminded me of a dime-store romance novel, and immediately I was put off. I hesitated buying it myself because again, instantly I was afraid of what could be behind the cover if that's what it looked like.

For my birthday my other best friend ended up buying it for me anyways, in paperback with the cover shown above. I started reading it a few days after my birthday last July because I needed somewhere to escape and I had nothing to lose by reading it then. I instantly fell in love with the book, and ate it up. In August I set it down after my husband had a heart attack with about 150 pages left out of 722. So close to the end, but other things took precedence and then I was just definitely not in a good place to be delving into anything. I picked it back up a few days ago, feeling ready to get excited and invested again.

Patrick Rothfuss has talent. Truly, he has a way with words. The writing style and flow is perfect; it has just enough detail that the reader has a fully-formed picture in their head but enough of it is left up to the reader to fill in the blanks that each reader definitely will have a different picture in their head. And that's important, isn't it? That each reader gets to fill in the blanks for themselves with just enough guideline that the picture of the story is unique for each reader? The story weaves and reads so easily and thoroughly that you are pausing to think on concepts and themes you almost didn't notice except as an afterthought; leaving you in a place of contemplation and reflection.

Rothfuss dives right into the life of Kote, a man now known as the innkeeper out in the middle of nowhere; with his assistant Bast. Something is very wrong about the picture though, and as a newcomer stops into his inn; it starts to unravel. Many stories have been told and re-told about the legendary man Kvothe, and Kote decides to set the record straight about who Kvothe really was and divulge the truth about each and every tale of Kvothe Kingkiller. Between the stories Kote tells of Kvothe's youth and the events occurring in the present at his inn, you get sucked not only into where the present events might lead but to the life story of a man-legend who somewhere along the line, got lost in the tales and myths of his own making.

I find myself still reeling about Kvothe and his love interest, Denna, and about how such a poor young man will make his way up to such a legend. I can easily picture all of the places of the story and walk through as if I've been there. Such a fully-formed world makes it so easy for you to wonder about what stories aren't being told; and wildly exasperate you on what solutions and events will arise around Kote and Bast. Most of all, I am not able to instantly jump and guess at the sequence of events that will occur next - as this is no re-told re-told fantasy tale of Prince Galahad or some snuffy kid pulling magic out of nowhere and becoming instantly important and three-dimensional and wise.

I do have to note as an after-thought that if you buy this book, I recommend buying it in Hardcover. I take excellent, excellent care of my books and this one is so large that the binding is crinkled and worn just from one read-through and the covers are frayed at the corners and scratched elsewhere for very literally, no particular reason. I love this book so much that I will definitely invest in a hardcover later, and will be buying all the the sequels in hardcover when I buy them on my dime. But for now, I will begin the continuation of Kvothe's tales in ebook form through my library.

Happy reading!