Since Eliza was born we've had some game-changers going on. Everything has been extremely complicated in all fronts of my life. I have hardly had time for anything or anyone and it has been so crazy.
Our car's brakes went to the floor a few days after Eliza was born. We ended up having to have it towed and the brakes bled - to which they swore up and down had no leaks. It worked but starting having small electrical problems again shortly after that. Then about 10 days ago, while visiting a friend 40 minutes away, our car wouldn't start. We had to get a jump to get home. After a few days J finally got the time to go and pull out the battery to charge it, and replace the serpentine belt and alternator. He replaced the battery into the car and it drove. One time. So we had it towed again. They claimed it was the battery terminals (which J also cleaned in the process of the other fixes) and replaced them for us. The car ran again just fine with no electrical issues. The next day - yes...oh yes - J went to drive himself to urgent care for an ear infection.... and the brakes went to the floor again.
So it is now sitting again in the parking lot collecting dust. I am back to biking 30-40 minutes to work, a huge inconvenience as it rains nearly every day where I live and I often don't get out until late at night (between 7:30pm - 11:30 pm) or have to be there very early (8-10:30 am); further complicating the fact that I only have two uniform changes and the laundry room of our apartment complex is closed from 9pm to 9am - meaning I often must go to work in a previously worn uniform since I did not have time to wash and dry it.
My laptop finally blue-screen-of-death'ed me and I know it was the motherboard. I ordered a new motherboard but did not know that with a Windows 7-factory installed motherboard, that version/license key is tied to that motherboard. So I had installed a motherboard that I couldn't even get to work. I can get it to boot, but not to load Windows. It's actually extremely frustrating. I finally came up with a few other things I can try after trying all of the suggested methods I could find on Google.
Additionally, I got a call for an interview for a job in a bookstore as a cafe lead. I went through the phone interview process, and then a physical interview with the cafe manager. She really liked me and made it seem like I had the entire job in the bag, but that we had to continue going through the motions. I was expecting a call from the store manager for my last interview sometime towards the end of the week or the next week; but she called me within 48 hours and asked me to come in the next morning at 10am as soon as she found out I was available. This to me was extremely encouraging. Unfortunately, when the interview actually took place the store manager gave off the vibe that she did not like me, and told me that she already had a candidate in mind in-store and implied she only wanted to offer me part-time work. Unfortunately, the entire point of my applying for a full time position, is because I wanted full time. Better pay, more hours/salary.
That was really upsetting to me because she attempted to make me feel very small and insignificant when I told her this, giving me the run around but basically implying that because I'm younger than she prefers that I don't deserve the full-time position (which pissed off the cafe manager). I'm in my 20's; it's not as if I'm a teenager with no work experience. In fact, my grocery experience highly complements the requirements of the cafe lead position and I was told that they have many grocery-cafe crossover employees by the cafe manager. I actually had to spend $80 in taxi fees just to make it to one interview and to me it was the ultimate insult to imply that my age somehow meant that I shouldn't get a salary and benefits. My work ethic definitely should determine that, but I had excellent references to back me up and she hasn't even called them yet. The entire flow of the interview felt as if she had a steel door between us and she had made up her mind as soon as she saw me that I did not deserve the position which really has me feeling burnt. I work so hard and am willing to work so hard; I learn quickly and apply myself to bettering the positions I work in. It's a really shitty feeling not to even be given a chance by someone who spent 1/3rd the time with me than the person who actually wanted me to be given the position because they thought I was perfect for it.
A little over a week ago my mother took my grandmother to the doctor for back pain. We found out the next day that actually, her cancer is back. Then the next day we found out that it is extensively metastasized throughout her body and she likely had a few months left and treatment would only prolong it. After a few more follow-up tests, we were told less than a week later that it will be more like weeks. I am devastated. Enough said. We are trying to figure out whether or not I should go see her soon (it will be up to her, she is very old school and may not want visitors.) If I did, it would be just me and Eliza as the car is most likely not an option for driving up and we can't afford round-trip air far for all of us and a hotel. I feel so tied about this as she hasn't met Lili nor Eliza and it doesn't seem fair that Lili would not get to meet her yet Maire and Eliza would. I know it all seems so petty but I guess I'm trying to reason my way out of her dying. She can't die because she needs to meet her granddaughters still. She needs to have time to say goodbye to me. I'm not ready to lose her. I'm not ready to be grandparent-less at age 22. It's not fair, when some people's grandparents live until they are in their 40s and they get all that time and memories with them.
The only positive game-changer I'm currently experiencing is that my midwife offered to be my preceptor if I decide to go into midwifery. As a long-time dream of mine, J and I agreed that I should go for it. So I did. I applied to a distance midwifery college and have a phone interview on August 2nd, with admissions decisions being announced on August 22nd for the Winter Trimester. I have another school I must register at as well, but this is all pending things going smoothly. Which nothing has. I am hoping that I can be given a beacon to wade through this darkness because the past year and a half have been the worst. I don't know what I'll do if I also don't get into midwifery school.
Our car's brakes went to the floor a few days after Eliza was born. We ended up having to have it towed and the brakes bled - to which they swore up and down had no leaks. It worked but starting having small electrical problems again shortly after that. Then about 10 days ago, while visiting a friend 40 minutes away, our car wouldn't start. We had to get a jump to get home. After a few days J finally got the time to go and pull out the battery to charge it, and replace the serpentine belt and alternator. He replaced the battery into the car and it drove. One time. So we had it towed again. They claimed it was the battery terminals (which J also cleaned in the process of the other fixes) and replaced them for us. The car ran again just fine with no electrical issues. The next day - yes...oh yes - J went to drive himself to urgent care for an ear infection.... and the brakes went to the floor again.
So it is now sitting again in the parking lot collecting dust. I am back to biking 30-40 minutes to work, a huge inconvenience as it rains nearly every day where I live and I often don't get out until late at night (between 7:30pm - 11:30 pm) or have to be there very early (8-10:30 am); further complicating the fact that I only have two uniform changes and the laundry room of our apartment complex is closed from 9pm to 9am - meaning I often must go to work in a previously worn uniform since I did not have time to wash and dry it.
My laptop finally blue-screen-of-death'ed me and I know it was the motherboard. I ordered a new motherboard but did not know that with a Windows 7-factory installed motherboard, that version/license key is tied to that motherboard. So I had installed a motherboard that I couldn't even get to work. I can get it to boot, but not to load Windows. It's actually extremely frustrating. I finally came up with a few other things I can try after trying all of the suggested methods I could find on Google.
Additionally, I got a call for an interview for a job in a bookstore as a cafe lead. I went through the phone interview process, and then a physical interview with the cafe manager. She really liked me and made it seem like I had the entire job in the bag, but that we had to continue going through the motions. I was expecting a call from the store manager for my last interview sometime towards the end of the week or the next week; but she called me within 48 hours and asked me to come in the next morning at 10am as soon as she found out I was available. This to me was extremely encouraging. Unfortunately, when the interview actually took place the store manager gave off the vibe that she did not like me, and told me that she already had a candidate in mind in-store and implied she only wanted to offer me part-time work. Unfortunately, the entire point of my applying for a full time position, is because I wanted full time. Better pay, more hours/salary.
That was really upsetting to me because she attempted to make me feel very small and insignificant when I told her this, giving me the run around but basically implying that because I'm younger than she prefers that I don't deserve the full-time position (which pissed off the cafe manager). I'm in my 20's; it's not as if I'm a teenager with no work experience. In fact, my grocery experience highly complements the requirements of the cafe lead position and I was told that they have many grocery-cafe crossover employees by the cafe manager. I actually had to spend $80 in taxi fees just to make it to one interview and to me it was the ultimate insult to imply that my age somehow meant that I shouldn't get a salary and benefits. My work ethic definitely should determine that, but I had excellent references to back me up and she hasn't even called them yet. The entire flow of the interview felt as if she had a steel door between us and she had made up her mind as soon as she saw me that I did not deserve the position which really has me feeling burnt. I work so hard and am willing to work so hard; I learn quickly and apply myself to bettering the positions I work in. It's a really shitty feeling not to even be given a chance by someone who spent 1/3rd the time with me than the person who actually wanted me to be given the position because they thought I was perfect for it.
A little over a week ago my mother took my grandmother to the doctor for back pain. We found out the next day that actually, her cancer is back. Then the next day we found out that it is extensively metastasized throughout her body and she likely had a few months left and treatment would only prolong it. After a few more follow-up tests, we were told less than a week later that it will be more like weeks. I am devastated. Enough said. We are trying to figure out whether or not I should go see her soon (it will be up to her, she is very old school and may not want visitors.) If I did, it would be just me and Eliza as the car is most likely not an option for driving up and we can't afford round-trip air far for all of us and a hotel. I feel so tied about this as she hasn't met Lili nor Eliza and it doesn't seem fair that Lili would not get to meet her yet Maire and Eliza would. I know it all seems so petty but I guess I'm trying to reason my way out of her dying. She can't die because she needs to meet her granddaughters still. She needs to have time to say goodbye to me. I'm not ready to lose her. I'm not ready to be grandparent-less at age 22. It's not fair, when some people's grandparents live until they are in their 40s and they get all that time and memories with them.
The only positive game-changer I'm currently experiencing is that my midwife offered to be my preceptor if I decide to go into midwifery. As a long-time dream of mine, J and I agreed that I should go for it. So I did. I applied to a distance midwifery college and have a phone interview on August 2nd, with admissions decisions being announced on August 22nd for the Winter Trimester. I have another school I must register at as well, but this is all pending things going smoothly. Which nothing has. I am hoping that I can be given a beacon to wade through this darkness because the past year and a half have been the worst. I don't know what I'll do if I also don't get into midwifery school.
I feel like everything is falling apart everywhere and I just can't catch my breath.
